THERE WAS big news on the DUI front yesterday:

A Connecticut judge dismissed a drunk-driving charge against 79-year-old Rip Torn after the actor completed a court-ordered alcohol- education program.

Meanwhile, across the country in Los Angeles - in our top story - Lindsay Lohan (who's not 79, but is aging at a furious pace and may soon pass Torn) left her court hearing wearing an ugly, alcohol-monitoring ankle bracelet that came with tough restrictions on her probation.

Lindsay got the booze-sensitive bauble (the bling that goes BING!) because she'd torqued off Superior Court Judge Marsha Revel by failing to show up for a hearing last week in Beverly Hills and instead partied at the Cannes Film Festival, where she allegedly lost her passport delaying her return.

A bench warrant was issued for her arrest, then was lifted when her attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, posted bail - the first time Tattle ever heard of someone posting bail before the arrest. Lindsay returned to the United States over the weekend.

The troubled celeb, wearing a dark-gray pants suit, arrived in court a few minutes late (even after all this she's late) and appeared somber and concerned when she conferred with her attorney about the move to attach the bracelet (an accessory that goes with basically . . . nothing) and to undergo drug and alcohol testing every week in the Los Angeles area.

Holley told Judge Revel that Lindsay was planning to travel to Texas to film the movie "Machete," but Revel chopped down that idea like sugar cane, suggesting Lindsay might have to delay the project.

Revel didn't buy Holley's suggestion that Lindsay could fulfill the probation requirements in Texas and stressed she was prepared to spend a half-hour reading Lindsay and her attorney a list of her reasons for ordering the bracelet, drug tests and an alcohol-education program.

Lindsay realized there was no need to hear that.

Asked if she understood the orders, Lindsay said quietly, "Yes, your Honor."

It was all she said in or out of court. As another example of how messed up this young woman's life has gotten, Holley noted to Judge Revel that Lindsay had missed one previous hearing . . . after her uncle died.

"Did she attend the funeral?" Revel asked coldly. Holley turned to Lindsay, who sadly shook her head no.

Hey, Kitson was having a sale.

Lindsay will have to wear her new bracelet at least until her next appearance before Revel, on July 6 - a probation-violation hearing to address her failure to show up in court last week.

If it quacks like a duck

Joe Francis was a man gone wild Friday, when the "Girls Gone Wild" founder allegedly attacked two of his female employees - one of whom was pregnant.

"Joe grabbed the cell phone of a female employee at Mantra Films," an insider told RadarOnline.com. "The employee was using the phone to send an article to a news media outlet about the 'bad' things Joe Francis was doing at his company."

When Joe found out, he "came back and physically attacked the female employee and another employee in the accounting department who was visibly pregnant."

As for the witnesses, "Joe fired all involved employees even if they only viewed the attack," the source said.

(But you can view it for only $19.99 in "When Crazed Bosses Attack!")

Tattbits

* Sir Paul McCartney will receive the third Gershwin Prize for Popular Song from the Library of Congress on June 2. It will be presented at a concert in the East Room of the White House.

Performers announced yesterday will include last year's winner, Stevie Wonder, the Jonas Brothers, Faith Hill, Jack White, Dave Grohl, Emmylou Harris, Elvis Costello and Jerry Seinfeld.

Is he going to tell Beatles jokes?

* Besides finding a source in Joe

Francis' accounting department, RadarOnline.com also seems to have made its way into the Vivid Video accounting department and reports that Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett's first paycheck for her soon-to-be-released sex tape is $680,000.

Kendra is also expected to get 50 percent of sales.

That's the good news, Hank. The bad news is there's footage for plenty more tapes.

* While Newsweek may think that

gay men can't play straight romantic leads, they sure can host the Tony Awards.

Sean Hayes ("Will & Grace"), who's now on Broadway in "Promises, Promises," will take the reins of the show on June 13.

He'll follow last year's host, Neil Patrick Harris.

* Gold-medal figure skater Evan

Lysacek ("Dancing with the Stars") has told RadarOnline.com, "I need a girlfriend."

And that's not something you hear often from a man who makes a living in a leotard.

"I'm lonely," he added.

So what kind of woman does Evan seek?

"I'm looking for funny, someone who can deal with a busy schedule,which has been a problem in the past.

" . . . Just a cool girl. I need someone to hang out with me."

Or someone who knows what to do when he's hanging out.

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.