Tattle: Eliot Spitzer gets CNN gig

IF YOU'RE AN average Joe and you're caught soliciting a prostitute, you may get arrested, the prostitute may get arrested, the pimp (or madam) may get arrested and, depending on the circumstances and the local laws, all of you may end up in jail.

If, however, you're the law-and-order governor of New York and you're caught paying thousands of dollars to a prostitute, you get a prime-time talk show on CNN.

If Lady Justice is blind it could be because some well-connected politician has tied her wrists to the bedpost and put a bag over her head.

Here in the understaffed Tattle office, we don't even believe that prostitution should be a crime. But it is. And since it is, the ex-New York governor who made cleaning it up part of his persona should be the last person to not be held accountable for his actions as a john.

But CNN announced yesterday that it's hiring Eliot Spitzer to co-host a new round-table talk show opposite conservative columnist Kathleen Parker.

The show is set to air at 8 p.m. weeknights starting this fall.

Prince dives in

Prince Albert of Monaco, son of the iconic Philadelphian Grace Kelly, announced yesterday that he will marry former South African swimming champion Charlene Wittstock.

He's 52. She's 32.

Royal watchers were ecstatic at the announcement.

Jewish mother-types exhaled, "Finally."

The question now is: Will Albert, who has acknowledged fathering two children out of wedlock, finally produce a legitimate heir?

"It's been 30 years since Grace died, 30 years they've been waiting for a first lady, a princess, a dream beauty, glam. And voila!" said Colombe Pringle, executive editor of Point de Vue magazine, which has followed Albert's amorous adventures.

The palace of the moneyed Mediterranean principality didn't say when Albert, the head of the 700-year-old Grimaldi dynasty, will marry Charlene, but one can only imagine that's going to be one heckuva of a bachelor party.

Albert met the willowy blonde in 2000 when she traveled to Monaco for a swimming competition. Albert must have liked her stroke because she has lived in the principality since 2006, said Laetitia Pierrat, a palace spokeswoman.

Tattbits

* Val Kilmer has apologized to his northern New Mexico neighbors after he was quoted making disparaging comments about them.

San Miguel County commissioners invited Kilmer to a meeting yesterday to explain comments published years ago in Rolling Stone magazine.

After the meeting, Kilmer was replaced by Gen. David Petraeus.

* Rock 'n' roll Hall of Famer Gregg Allman, of the Allman Brothers Band, underwent successful liver transplant surgery yesterday morning at the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville.

Allman began treatment for Hepatitis C in 2007 but chronic damage to his liver led to the transplant.

Allman's publicist got the call late Tuesday afternoon and drove to Jacksonville from his home near Savannah, for the early-morning surgery.

* Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, one of the "stars" of "Jersey Shore," has teamed up with Miami-based Dilligaf by Bohica Bill to launch a couture line.

Jenni "JWOWW" Farley from the show had previously announced her own clothing line, which makes us think that designing clothes must be the easiest thing in the world.

Sorrentino's line - to be called Dilligaf Couture by the Sitch - will debut next month and will consist of T-shirts, sweat shirts and accessories.

Can we call it Naught Couture?

The clothing will be available online and in retail stores. Prices will range from $39 to $79 per item.

A $39 T-shirt? Eat your heart out, Yves Saint Laurent.

* Lifetime network's "Army Wives" is set to welcome Jill Biden in its Aug. 15 episode.

The network announced yesterday that the wife of the vice president (the Second Lady?) will make a guest appearance on the military drama to raise awareness of the contributions by U.S. men and women in uniform as well as their families.

She will appear as herself and a number of real Army wives will also be featured. "Army Wives" stars Catherine Bell and Hallahan High's Kim Delaney.

* A self-portrait by French painter Edouard Manet has sold for more than $33 million at a London auction.

It was the highest price paid for a picture by Manet.

We're assuming the person who bought it looks just like him.

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.

E-mail gensleh@phillynews.com.