Tattle: Tiger, Elin make split permanent in Fla.courtroom

WHO KNEW that when

Tiger Woods

' wife left him, she would take his golf game with her. Maybe she gave it back to him in court.

Tiger and Elin Nordegren officially divorced yesterday, nine months after his middle-of-the night car crash outside their Orlando-area home set off shocking revelations that the world's most famous athlete was a whore-mongering, lap-dance-crazed, Perkins-loving hound.

"We are sad that our marriage is over and we wish each other the very best for the future," Tiger and Elin said in a joint statement released by their lawyers.

The divorce was granted by Judge Judy Pittman Biebel in Bay County Circuit Court, in Panama City, Fla., about 375 miles from their Isleworth home. The couple had married in October 2004 in Barbados and have a 3-year-old daughter, Sam, and a 19-month-old son, Charlie.

The marriage was described in court documents as "irretrievably broken" with no point in trying to reconcile. Terms of the divorce were not disclosed, except that they will "share parenting" of their two children.

The hearing lasted no more than 10 minutes. Tiger and Elin were present, along with their lawyers.

"I don't comment on active cases," Thomas J. Sasser, Woods' divorce attorney, said. When asked why they chose to file in Panama City, Sasser said it was a joint decision by the lawyers.

Elin's attorneys - which included her twin sister, Josefin Lonnborg - referred all questions to the statement.

No one else related to the case - agents, mothers - had anything to add.

"While we are no longer married, we are the parents of two wonderful children and their happiness has been, and will always be, of paramount importance to both of us," they said in the statement. "The weeks and months ahead will not be easy for them as we adjust to a new family situation, which is why our privacy must be a principal concern."

Tiger is to play this week at The Barclays, where he needs a good performance to extend his PGA Tour season and try to show he is worth picking for the Ryder Cup.

We hope he won't be distracted by some stripper or he might Ryder instead.

* TMZ.com reports that at their

divorce hearing, Tiger and Elin did not say one word to each other.

Nothing.

Not even, "Did you bring my check?"

* Devon James checked into

rehab on Sunday.

RadarOnline.com says that she was Tiger's 15th mistress, but these days who cares about the order of his sand trollops?

Does it really matter if Sleepy was the first dwarf or the fifth?

Radar says that Devon entered a Florida facility for treatment of an emotional breakdown.

"The stress of everything just got to be too much," her husband, Nick James, told RadarOnline.com. "They're going to evaluate her for three days and then see if she needs to stay any longer."

Nick explained that the final straw came when Devon's paternity claim against Tiger was dismissed by a Florida judge.

She had claimed that he was the father of the child she gave birth to nine years ago.

Did Cowell play foul?

It takes a lot to get the English mad, but they're ready to banger and mash over online claims that the popular TV talent show "X-Factor" has been electronically tweaking contestants' voices to make them sound in tune.

Fans of the show took to the Internet over the weekend to claim that pitch-correction software had been used to smooth contestants' performances.

You know who doesn't need pitch-correction software?

Roy Halladay.

"X-Factor" producers admitted that post-production had taken place to correct for the interplay of microphones, which just may be the British term for off-key singing.

The face of Simon Cowell, one of the show's producers and a judge, was pasted across the front of Britain's Daily Mirror yesterday, under the caption: "X Faker."

Tattbits

* Billboard.com reports that

Kanye West Tweeted Sunday that he plans to release a new song "every weekend until Xmas."

"I'm calling it good Fridays, West Tweeted. "Yall know every Friday yall gone have a new joint from our family."

* California's attorney general

Jerry Brown is suing "Tax Lady" Roni Deutch for $34 million, alleging that her infomercial promises to help people solve disputes with the IRS often don't pan out.

Brown's suit alleges that Deutch overstates her TV claims of winning tax battles with the IRS.

Deutch, who calls herself the "Tax Lady," says that she runs the nation's largest tax-resolution law firm. Her ads are in heavy rotation on cable TV. She has also offered tax advice on NBC, CNN, Fox and CNBC.

* Ozzy Osbourne has learned

to drive.

Sort of.

Thirty-five years after flunking his driver's test, the 61-year-old rocker finally got a license last year.

Wife, Sharon, says that he has a lead foot on the brake "and that means I get a bad neck each time I'm in the car with him.

"I'm up and down so much that it feels like I'm on a horse rather than in a car.

"I've lost count how many times I messed it up," Ozzy said of his many failed attempts to pass the test. "I remember one time I was doing the three-point turn and I passed out because I'd been to the doctor's earlier and got some Valium for my nerves.

"Some examiners would say, 'I'm not even getting in the car with you.' "

BANGShowbiz.com and Daily News wire services contributed to this report.

E-mail gensleh@phillynews.com.