Tattle: 'Simpsons' gets the Vatican's seal of approval

IT MAY NOT BE worthy of a papal encyclical, but the Vatican's newspaper,

L'Osservatore Romano

, has declared that "The Simpsons" are Catholic.

Pity the priest who has to hear Bart's confession.

"Few people know it and he does everything to hide it but it is true: Homer J. Simpson is Catholic," L'Osservatore Romano wrote in its weekend edition.

Lisa? She may be a Buddhist.

The story was the latest example of the Vatican paper's loosening of standards over the last few years and quoted an analysis by the Rev. Francesco Occhetta, a Jesuit, discussing Homer's and Bart's conversion in a 2005 episode after meeting with Father Sean, voiced by Liam Neeson.

" 'The Simpsons' remain among the few programs for children in which the Christian faith, religion and the question of God are recurring themes," L'Osservatore said. "The family recites prayers together before meals and, in its own way, believes in heaven."

While noting that "The Simpsons" often takes jabs at religious figures, it said parents should not be afraid to let their children watch "the adventures of the little guys in yellow."

But show executive producer Al Jean told Entertainment Weekly the Vatican hasn't got a prayer of Homer and Bart's being Catholic, noting that they only consider converting in the episode.

"I guess it makes up for me not going to church for 20 years," Jean told EW.com.

Jean noted that the Simpsons' First Church of Springfield "is decidedly Presbylutheran."

"We've pretty clearly shown that Homer is not Catholic," he told EW.com. "I really don't think he could go without eating meat on Fridays for even an hour."

Not out of the Woods

Although the Tiger Woods sex

scandal led to a bonanza of bad puns and Tattle lead stories, we were always leery of Tiger Mistress Devon James's claims of a sex tape with the big swinger.

Sure enough, the tape is a fake.

But, doggone it, it's a fake with a local angle.

Teneal Goyco, the faux Tiger, is a Philadelphia boxer.

And RadarOnline.com reports he's hired attorney Stephanie Ovadia, who represented Lindsay Lohan in her silly E*Trade lawsuit, to take action if the tape is sold with a claim that he's the real Tiger.

As if the real Tiger would admit to getting paid $1,000 to have sex with Devon James.

Goyco said he did not know the tape was being filmed for commercial purposes and told RadarOnline.com: "I was told to pretend I was Tiger Woods to fulfill her [Devon's] fantasy, so I did what I was asked."

Got that, folks?

Goyco told Radar Online that he taped the sex scenes with Devon in late summer and that she and her husband (isn't it nice when a married couple can work together?) had him "dress" like Tiger and wear a Nike hat, which is not a condom with a swoosh on it.

Goyco also said Devon called him "Tiger" during their bedroom scene.

And he never suspected a thing?

"I thought the tape was just going to be for them personally. I didn't know they were going to use it to make money.

"I saw it as an opportunity to make a few bucks and have sex with a pretty girl."

Tattbits

* Speaking at his annual AIDS

Foundation benefit Monday night, Elton John said that Ryan White, the teen who died of AIDS 20 years ago and helped combat prejudice associated with the disease, is the reason he started his foundation and that he's "saddened and disturbed" that the same issues exist today. He added that there needs to be frank talk about race and sexuality in discussions about AIDS.

John also said White was an "amazing boy who had no prejudice, no bitterness . . . God do we need that kind of thing in America at this moment."

A first step: Stopping anonymous comments on philly.com.

* A mistyped permit application

for filming of the CBS TV show "Hawaii Five-0" led to a rush-hour traffic jam in east Honolulu.

How different from Philadelphia, where not having a rush-hour traffic jam would be a story.

* Adrien Brody has sued the

makers of the thriller "Giallo" for more than $2 million, claiming that he hasn't been fully paid for the project and that the movie is being released in the United States without his permission.

His emergency petition to stop the DVD release was denied.

Brody claims he is owed $640,000 for starring in the film and that its release is likely to cost him at least $2 million in damages.

That's not much of an endorsement.

* Mel Gibson will make a cam-

eo in "The Hangover 2" as a tattoo artist in Bangkok.

Anyone want to bet that this will somehow involve one of the "Hangover" guys' getting inked on his privates?

* TMZ.com reports that now

that T.I. is going back to the Big House, he's being dropped as a spokesman for AXE deodorant. Weird, you'd think prison would be a great place to sell deodorant.

You know who should replace T.I. in shilling for AXE?

The Chilean miners.

* Kanye West told an audience

at a screening of his film, "Runaway," that he thought about killing himself, but now feels a responsibility to make a meaningful contribution to pop culture and art.

Describing himself as a pop icon and "soldier for culture," Kanye told the crowd, "There were times that I contemplated suicide." However, he said, "I will not give up on life again."

"There's so many people that will never get the chance to have their voice heard" as loudly as his, West said. "I do it for them."

Could a man be any more full of himself?

* In one of the most ironic elec-

tion stories of the year, a group of Zimbabwe President Robert Mugabe's loyalists say voting was not "free and fair."

Alas, they were referring to a Zimbabwean's defeat on the "Big Brother Africa" TV show.

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.

E-mail gensleh@phillynews.com