WHAT WAS THAT NOISE? Was it the sound of Adam Sandler winning both best-actor and best-actress Oscars for his modern opus "Jack and Jill"?

Was it Chris Brown declaring himself a proud feminist? Or was that simply the sound of hell freezing over?

No, it was the sound of a judge praising Lindsay Lohan. Not only did Lohan complete this month's scheduled community service early, but she also attended five therapy sessions, as opposed to the court-mandated four.

Judge Stephanie Saunter gave props to Lohan, who is on probation for stealing a necklace in L.A., for finally adhering to her community-service schedule. "Miss Lohan, you have actually done your work," Saunter opened the trial by saying. Previously, Lohan had been turned away from working at an L.A. homeless shelter because of tardiness and absence.

"She's been doing fine," Deputy Chief Coroner Ed Winter told the Associated Press about her work ethic.

Saunter commented for the record on Lohan's work at the morgue, saying that her co-workers were pleased, "at least as pleased as a morgue can be."

Lohan's next visit to Saunter is Jan. 17. She will have to complete 12 more days of service and four more therapy sessions.

SAG, WTF?!

The Screen Actors Guild announced its award nominees yesterday to a resounding "Huh?"

Most of the nominations were foregone conclusions, but the snubs and omissions were many. George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Leonardo DiCaprio and Jean Dujardin, of "The Artist," were all shoe-ins for the best-actor nomination, but Demian Bichir of the little-seen "A Better Life" was a surprise nod, especially since Michael Fassbender has been raking in the awards for his performance in "Shame."

"The Help," although popular at the box office, was largely panned by critics, but ended up with a nom for best movie, along with "Bridesmaids," "The Artist," "The Descendants" and "Midnight in Paris."

The TV nominations accounted for some of the more confusing entries, especially Patrick J. Adams' nomination for best actor in a drama for his work in USA's "Suits." Joining him were Steve Buscemi in "Boardwalk Empire," Bryan Cranston in "Breaking Bad," Kyle Chandler in "Friday Night Lights" and Michael C. Hall in "Dexter." That leaves out such great performers as Timothy Olyphant in "Justified," Aaron Paul in "Breaking Bad," Peter Dinklage in "Game of Thrones" and Damien Lewis in "Homeland." Showtime's "Homeland" was shut out of every award, including a nod for lead actress Claire Danes.

Danes should have replaced Kathy Bates of "Harry's Law" in the best-actress category, which also features Glenn Close in "Damages," Julianna Margulies in "The Good Wife," Jessica Lange in "American Horror Story"  and Kyra Sedgwick in "The Closer." And although we dig Sedgwick, her spot should have gone to Connie Britton of "Friday Night Lights."

We'll just have to have our own Tattie Awards in which we give praise to the likes of Amy Poehler in "Parks and Recreation," Shailene Woodley in "The Descendants" and Albert Brooks in "Drive."

Tweet retreat

After Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore announced their split, many people with a little too much time on their hands (us) eagerly awaited an announcement of Moore's new Twitter handle, since it was previously @mrs kutcher. But no moves were made. Until yesterday, when Moore tweeted, "changing my twitter name isn't a top priority right now. sorry it bothers so many of u. should I not tweet until I do? does it really matter?"

She's right: it doesn't matter. But considering it takes five minutes to change a Twitter handle, we're still curious as to why the long wait. That's like cleaning out your fridge but keeping the moldiest piece of cheese in the back. Y'know, for the memories.