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NBC star tells naked truth of Philly past

Nick Offerman, who plays Ron Swanson on “Parks and Recreation,” will perform in Philly in September.

Nick Offerman plays Ron Swanson on NBC's 'Parks and Recreation' (Photo: NBC/Mitchell Haaseth)
Nick Offerman plays Ron Swanson on NBC's 'Parks and Recreation' (Photo: NBC/Mitchell Haaseth)Read morehandout

NICK OFFERMAN, who plays the meat-loving, woodworking, mustachioed Ron Swanson on NBC's "Parks and Recreation," will perform a Preston and Steve-presented one-man show at the Tower Theater on Sept. 3. (Tickets go on sale tomorrow, by the way.)

But Offerman has been to Philly before. And some lucky ladies have nudie pics of him to show for it.

As a young actor in 1991, Offerman spent a year at Malvern's People's Light & Theater Company doing a Kabuki version of "Achilles." To make extra cash, Offerman posed - buck naked - for figure-drawing classes at a nearby arts center.

"They hilariously gave me a spear to hold every time. If there are any housewives out there, they might have an original Nick Offerman nude drawing," Offerman told me. "If they do, I would invite them to please burn them."

Offerman, who also fondly remembers buying bad hash in an alleyway on South Street and drinking Yuenglings fresh off the conveyor belt, does not have a background in stand-up or improv, unlike his "Parks and Recreation" co-stars Aziz Ansari and Amy Poehler. So, instead of performing skits or doing bits, Offerman doles out what he calls his 10 tips for prosperity (for example: always carry a handkerchief, eat red meat, avoid the mirror). He even breaks out his guitar for a couple of ditties.

Offerman's wife, Megan Mullally (best known as the lovably selfish Karen on "Will and Grace") performs song and dance as well, acting as Offerman's opening act with her band, Nancy and Beth. "It's ridiculous," Offerman said about his warm-up act. "It's like having Michael Jordan open for your high-school basketball team."

But Offerman's got his own style. "I'm sort of a more foulmouthed, less-educated version of one my heroes, Garrison Keillor," Offerman said. "Except Garrison Keillor is a lot closer to Mark Twain, and I'm closer to Adam Sandler."

Utleys' dog days

Jen and Chase Utley hosted their sixth annual Utley All-Star Animals Casino Night at the Electric Factory last night. Despite losing to the Indians earlier in the day, Utley's teammates showed up to support the Utley Foundation and the Pennsylvania SPCA, including Jimmy Rollins (with wife Johari), Cole Hamels (with wife Heidi) and Carlos Ruiz.

Ruiz's backup, Erik Kratz, is an animal lover, despite his pop's position as an exec at Godshalls Quality Meats. Kratz stars in Godshalls ads, alongside a cartoon turkey. "I was just talking to nothing," Kratz told me about his turkish co-star. "The guy who did them really helped me because the first couple of takes looked really cheesy." Kratz said he wants a dog but, with three kids at home, his wife, Sarah, won't let him have one.

Kratz said that he's a big fan of the Utleys' dog, a rescue pit bull named Jack. Jack's other biggest fan? The Utleys' 18-month-old son, Ben. "They are obsessed with each other. No 'Lady and the Tramp' situation; they totally get along," Jen told me. "If anything, we're waiting for Ben to get a little bit bigger so they can tire each other out."

While fun went on inside, the International Alliance of Theatrical Stage Employees 8 protested outside. They've been picketing Electric Factory events for the past six weeks. IATSE 8 President Michael Barnes said he was disappointed that ballplayers, who are all in a union, wouldn't stop to ask what they were protesting.

Sixer sued

A woman is suing Sixer Nick Young for sexual battery, sexual assault, false imprisonment and more after he allegedly drugged her and raped her on August 2011, while Young was with the Washington Wizards. The woman says that Young bought her champagne, but she remembers little else from the rest of the night, only to wake up in Young's bed, bleeding anally and vaginally.

The suit then claims the woman was given a rape kit at the UCLA Santa Monica Rape Treatment Center, which also confirmed that she had been drugged.

TMZ reported an anonymous law-enforcement source who says that the woman went to the cops, who dismissed her claims.

Young's agent did not return several calls for comment, and the Sixers had no comment on the matter. Young, who goes by the nickname Swaggy P, signed as a free agent with the Sixers for one year and will become an unrestricted free agent on July 1.