'Aquamarine' a mermaid tale that comes out all wet
What do you say about a fish tale that tanks?Fleeing an arranged marriage, Aquamarine, teen rebel mermaid, is beached during a Florida storm. She becomes the pet of unfabulous 13-year-olds who enlist her as a proxy in their war with 16-year-old mean girls over the attentions of a dorky-but-cute lifeguard.
What do you say about a fish tale that tanks?Fleeing an arranged marriage, Aquamarine, teen rebel mermaid, is beached during a Florida storm. She becomes the pet of unfabulous 13-year-olds who enlist her as a proxy in their war with 16-year-old mean girls over the attentions of a dorky-but-cute lifeguard.
Now, I haven't read the Alice Hoffman novel on which Aquamarine is based. But I'll bet my bottom sand dollar that the book, unlike the film, isn't about adopting a mermaid and accessorizing her like My Little Pony. Elizabeth Allen's garish film boasts more sparkly accessories and crimped hair than you'll find in a warehouse of South Beach Barbies. (And you thought Saw II was scary!)
Claire and Hailey (pop stars Emma Roberts and JoJo Levesque, resembling the 'tween versions of Emma's Aunt Julia and Lindsay Lohan) are friends bonded by loss. Claire's parents died in a boating accident; Hailey's dad left her mom. Since then, the girls have been each other's social-life preserver. Come Labor Day, Hailey will move to Australia, and the friends will have to swim alone in the stormy sea of adolescence.
Just before summer's end, Aquamarine (Sara Paxton) washes ashore, promising to grant a wish to one who helps her find true love. (Not unlike Ariel in The Little Mermaid, Aquamarine sometimes has feet, sometimes a tail.) The chums make the mermaid the third in their BFF trio, instruct her in the flirtation gospel of teen 'zines ("be available, but elusive"), and help her reel in Raymond, the lifeguard.
Like its title character, Allen's choppy and inconsistent film has two speeds, ditsy or sentimental, and never gathers momentum. It would seem that Allen and screenwriters John Quaintance and Jessica Bendinger couldn't decide between making a movie about the summer that 'tweens become teens or Scenes From a Mall for the MTV set.
More tears are shed over answered prayers than unanswered ones, St. Teresa said. Her wisdom applies equally to the young heroines of Aquamarine as it does to the mature movie critic who prays for more movies about girls and women.
So be careful of what you wish for, moviegoers, because you just might get it. I definitely am not wishing for the Aquamarine sequel for fear we'll learn that the mermaid's water-logged fiance lives in a pineapple under the sea.
Contact movie critic Carrie Rickey at 215-854-5402 or crickey@phillynews.com. Read her recent work at http://go.philly.com/ carrierickey.
Aquamarine * 1/2 (out of four stars)
Produced by Susan Cartsonis, directed by Elizabeth Allen, written by John Quaintance and Jessica Bendinger, from the novel by Alice Hoffman, photography by Brian J. Breheny, music by David Hirschfelder, distributed by Fox 2000.
Running time: 1 hour, 49 mins.
Claire. . . Emma Roberts
Hailey. . . Joanna "JoJo" Levesque
Aquamarine. . . Sara Paxton
Raymond. . . Jake McDorman
Cecilia. . . Arielle Kebbel
Parent's guide: PG (teen mean girls, teen kissing)
Showing at: area theaters