Why I was afraid to watch 'Being Mary Jane'
I knew the statistics. I had made an odd peace with them. Those numbers were why I avoided watching Being Mary Jane, the BET drama that is one of a legion of shows featuring black leading ladies in prime time, including Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder, and Empire.
I knew the statistics. I had made an odd peace with them. Those numbers were why I avoided watching Being Mary Jane, the BET drama that is one of a legion of shows featuring black leading ladies in prime time, including Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder, and Empire.
But I caved.
The pilot episode of Being Mary Jane opens with a statistic: "Forty-two percent of black women have never been married."
With that, I began to question whether I was a masochist.
Being Mary Jane - the third season premieres at 9 p.m. Tuesday on BET - chronicles the life of 38-year-old news anchor Mary Jane Paul (Gabrielle Union) and her desire to start a family. The only problem? She needs the right partner. Or certain attributes of a partner, as in the episodes where she stole sperm and froze her eggs.
The next intertitle after that first stat read: "This is one black woman's story not meant to represent all black women."
Being Mary Jane may not represent all black women, but it's a reality for me. Actually being Mary Jane was both my dream and nightmare.
Like Union's character, I'm black, a woman, and a journalist. She's wildly successful, intelligent, beautiful, and has perfectly arched eyebrows - everything I want to be, right?
A lot of women I know in media are single, separated, divorced, or married later in life. Being a black woman means it can take longer to climb the career ladder, causing a delay in starting a family. "What do I have to show for being a good girl?" Mary Jane asks.
That's my fear. That I could achieve the "dream" in my professional life, yet still not have it all.
I see a lot of people I know in Mary Jane, including myself: the ones trying to get over someone by getting under another, the ones falling for the man who is "leaving his wife," the ones who still love the guy who got away.
But through personal drama, Mary Jane is still phenomenal at her job. She produces work that elevates the voices in her community and fights for them, sometimes winding up in ethical dilemmas. The tenacity that makes her a great journalist can make her an impatient friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend, and auntie.
But as someone trained to question, she needs answers. She craves direction, via quotes she posts around her home and throughout her broadcast. She's an ever-evolving work in progress.
In this Steve Harvey act-like-a-lady-think-like-a-man era of dating advice, it's refreshing to learn about life through a woman who acts like a boss, but thinks like me.
Through Mary Jane, I see the mistakes I've made, the ones I've avoided, and the ones I will probably make regardless.
I found a hiding place in statistics like the one that opened the series. I would be one of the 42 percent. I was using these numbers as the reason behind my singledom and why I didn't even want to try.
But that number wasn't necessarily why I was single, and it wasn't why Mary Jane is either.
It amazes me how Mary Jane remains open despite heartbreak. It takes a fearlessness. She has taught me that if you're going to be a fool, let it be for love. But to an extent.
"I'm somewhere between OK and totally lost," Mary Jane says.
The third season opens with Mary Jane's healing in more ways than one after the car crash that closed the previous season.
But she'll pick up the pieces, as she always does. She's making the messy mistakes so we won't have to.
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Being Mary Jane
The third season premieres at 9 p.m. Tuesday on BET.