LiLo, she won't go!

YESTERDAY WAS a too-typical day for Lindsay Lohan.

Chaos.

The actress-turned-train wreck started out by allegedly checking into Newport Beach's Morningside Recovery, a Southern California rehab facility, although it is unclear if she ever got out of her car.

Hours later, Millicent Tidwell, acting deputy director of licensing and certification for the California Department of Alcohol and Drug Programs, said Morningside did not have the appropriate licenses to provide residential treatment or recovery programs.

Morningside Recovery disputed that it was unlicensed and its director wrote in a statement that it has a 6,300-square-foot facility that provides drug and alcohol treatment.

Lindsay's attorney Mark Jay Heller said that despite the prosecutor's misgivings, his client should be allowed to stay in treatment at Morningside until a judge approves her placement.

"My client is ensconced in the bosom of that facility right now," he argued as if reading from a bodice-ripping romance novel. "She's in rehab right now. Nothing bad is going to happen."

Ha!

While Heller was telling L.A. Superior Court Judge James Dabney that Lindsay was checked into Morningside, omg.yahoo.com reports that she'd already left the premises and was in fact being photographed browsing in a SoCal electronics store.

The New York Daily News piled on, saying that Lindsay was intent on flying back to NYC. Maybe she thought she was supposed to rehab in Morningside Heights.

"If there's credible confirmation she's heading back to New York, then I'm going to have to go in and ask the court to issue a warrant," Deputy Santa Monica City Attorney Terry White told the NYDN.

Michael Lohan, Lindsay's oft-irresponsible father, confirmed to Radar Online that she had bolted from Morningside: "I have no other choice than to get this out there to help Lindsay," he said self-servingly.

An unnamed source told the New York Daily News that Lindsay got spooked at Morningside by the paparazzi.

"She was saying, 'I'm not going to rehab. I'm not going to rehab. Take me back to the airport,' " said the source.

If Lindsay, in fact, ends up on a plane - going anywhere - she should expect to see police waiting for her when the plane lands.

Cheryl Cole, the Scot beauty who was the best thing about the British "X Factor" before she was unceremoniously dumped by Simon Cowell for the U.S. "X Factor," may finally get her chance on the show.

Cole has held talks with Simon about returning. Maybe it just bugs him that she says his name like "Semen."

San Francisco wants to rename a venue after Grateful Dead founder Jerry Garcia and Deadheads are uniting . . . in opposition.

The San Francisco Chronicle reports more than 1,100 people have signed an online petition opposing any name change to Jerry Garcia Amphitheater in Excelsior, near where the late guitarist grew up.

The Recreation and Park Department, however, says the little-used stage would gain new life under a public-private partnership with L.A.-based nonprofit Levitt Pavilions, which helps fund renovations for outdoor venues and puts on 50 free shows a year.

The proposed name is "Levitt Pavilion San Francisco at Jerry Garcia Meadows."

Critics say handing it over to Levitt would rob the venue of its independent spirit.

The 2,000-seat theater hosts fewer than 10 events every year.

* Rapper-turned-real estate mogul Jay-Z is part of a group trying to renovate Nassau Veterans Memorial Coliseum outside New York City.

He attended a meeting yesterday on Long Island, where the media was briefed on four proposals to renovate the arena and surrounding property.

Nassau County officials have been trying to come up with a plan to redevelop the 40-year-old arena for many years. The New York Islanders are its primary tenant, and they are moving to Jay-Z's Brooklyn arena in 2015.

* Iron Man has outgunned the Avengers in China.

According to distributor Disney, Robert Downey Jr.'s solo sequel "Iron Man 3" had a record opening in China with $21.5 million yesterday.

That tops the $17 million opening day for "Transformers: Dark of the Moon." It also beats the $18 million haul that "The Avengers" took in over its first two days in China last year.

Since it began rolling out overseas last week, "Iron Man 3" has climbed to $307.7 million worldwide. That's just a few million dollars shy of the international total "Iron Man 2" pulled in over its entire run.

The film opens in the U.S. today. See Page 29.

* Producers announced yesterday that the Spice Girls musical "Viva Forever" will close at London's Piccadilly Theater June 29 after a disappointing six-month run.

Written by "Absolutely Fabulous" comedian Jennifer Saunders, the show is a modern-day tale of female friendship and mother-daughter bonds set to songs by the 1990s "Girl Power" icons.

Critics were overwhelmingly hostile.

The Independent's Paul Taylor called the show "lacking in any truly original or challenging spark," while the Daily Telegraph's Charles Spencer found it "tawdry, lazy and unedifying."

Emma "Baby Spice" Bunton tweeted that she was "totally gutted" to learn the show was closing.

That means she was upset - not filleted.

- Daily News wire services

contributed to this report.

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