Out of tragedy, a new life’s plan for Elizabeth Smart

DETROIT - Even if you don't remember her name, you remember her story.

At 14, Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped from her Utah home in 2002 while her younger sister watched in terror. Smart was held captive for nine months and repeatedly raped by a man who claimed that he was a prophet and that she was his second wife.

The kidnappers, Brian David Mitchell and a woman he claimed was his first wife, Wanda Barzee, were caught after a passerby recognized him from photos of a sketch based on Mary Katherine Smart's memory. Mitchell was sentenced to life in prison.

Now, Elizabeth Smart wants you to know that her story doesn't end in defeat. (A family spokesman announced recently that Smart became engaged to a fellow Mormon she met while a missionary in France.)

She has turned her personal tragedy into a mission to help other children avoid becoming or remaining victims.

Smart, 24, is a senior at Brigham Young University, where she's working toward a degree in harp performance. But, she says, she has come to realize that her real work needs to be helping in the battle against child abuse.

She's coming to metro Detroit this week to discuss her life of hope born from horror.

She'll be the main speaker at a fund-raising event Thursday for CARE House of Oakland County, Mich., a nonprofit based in Pontiac, Mich., that helps abused and neglected children.

Q: What do you plan to do with a degree in harp performance?

A: It's actually kind of funny; nothing. I love the harp. I love it a lot and I feel it's always going to be a part of my life. But over the last year or so, I've become so involved in child advocacy work, and that is where I want to continue my work. So much was given to me and so many sacrifices were made for me, I just feel like I can make a difference.

Q: How did you come to that decision?

A: I recently returned from serving in a volunteer mission in Paris. I was there from November of 2009 to April of 2011. I began to think, "What is the biggest way I [can] make a difference? What can I do when I come back to the States?" And it was kind of a no- brainer. I've been so blessed. So many people have done so much for me and my family, I thought, "How do I give back?" It was just like hello! "You'd never want another child to experience what you experienced. You'd never want another family to have what happened to your family happen to them." So my dad and I created the Elizabeth Smart Foundation.

Q: What are the goals of the foundation?

A: One is RADkids. It stands for Resist Aggression Defensively. It's a self-empowerment program, which is a preventive measure. It's not a reactive measure once something happens. If children go through the program, it won't always 100 percent prevent something from happening, but certainly when children are given the tools beforehand, and it can help them avoid a terrible situation from happening, then that's what should be done. It gives children choices and options.

For instance, in my case, the morning I was kidnapped, when the man was holding a knife to my neck, I thought I had only two options: either survive and get up and go with him or be killed. I thought those were my only two options. RADkids teaches children that there are more options.

Q: So what are the other options?

A: It teaches physical skills but also changes their mindset on how they look at situations. I can't go back and change what happened to me, but I would like to think that if someone tried to kidnap me now, I would know enough to know I can fight back. I can yell. Not too long ago, there was a young girl in a trailer park with her family. A man climbed into her window, got in bed, started stroking her hair and told her, "Shush; don't worry. I'm your daddy." She knew it wasn't her daddy. So she started saying she had to go to the bathroom. She was so persistent. She said, "If you don't let me go, I'm going to go in bed." So he got her to promise she'd come right back and as soon as she got out of the room, she screamed and her real dad came running. Because she realized that she could do something. She realized she wasn't just a victim. That's what made all the difference. She made a plan.

Q: What are the key lessons you learned from your ordeal?

A: That you can never take anything for granted. Anything can happen. It doesn't matter who you are or where you live or who your family is. I was asleep in what I thought was the safest place in the world, next to my younger sister, and I was kidnapped. It also taught me that, yes, there are many bad people out there, but there are so many, many more good people. And it taught me that miracles happen and just because something bad happens or we have a tragic event happen, it doesn't mean our life is over. A part of your life may be ruined, but that doesn't mean the rest of your life is ruined. It doesn't mean you can't move on. If anything, because of my experience, it's pushed me to where I am today.

Q: Explain what you mean?

A: It was an incredibly difficult experience. It was the hardest experience of my life, but because of that, it opened the door for me to so much more. It opened the door for me to create the Elizabeth Smart Foundation. It helped me help other people. I never would have realized that child abuse, kidnapping, child pornography - I would never have known these issues are as prevalent as they are today if I had not experienced it. And beyond that, I don't think anybody would have listened to me. It would be like, "Who is this little blond girl from Utah? How could she possibly have any clue?" In that respect, it gives me validity.

Q: How did you get the courage to begin speaking about what happened to you to help others?

A: I don't even remember the first time I spoke, but I think my dad came and said, "Elizabeth, do you want to speak a little about what happened? Your experience might help these people. But you don't have to do it. It's your choice." And I thought, "You mean I can give a speech and it'll make a difference to somebody?" I thought, "Why not?" I think everyone is pretty nervous the first time they do anything. But I grew up performing harp pretty much like my whole life, so I have some performance background, and that helped me. Once I got up there, I realized that people weren't expecting me to be perfect. They were there to listen to what I had to say, and I didn't need to think of some grandiose speech.

Q: Has it been difficult to be a college student and get on with your life when what happened to you is basically known worldwide?

A: For the most part, people are very respectful and have left me alone. The biggest challenge I have is prioritizing and finding the time to do everything I need to do, which I think is pretty much everyone's challenge. Everyone's always been kind and treated me like everyone else.

Q: What would you like people to know about the real Elizabeth Smart?

A: I want people to know I am happy. I love my life. I'm so grateful for every prayer for me and every donation to my foundation and for everyone who helped to bring me home. I want people to know I am in this battle to make a difference and to help prevent what happened to me from happening to other children.

Q: I read or heard that your mom said something that helped you tremendously right away in moving on with your life.

A: The morning after I got home, I was walking from her bedroom and she stopped me and said, "Elizabeth, what this man has done to you is awful. There are no words to describe how evil and wicked he is. He has taken nine months of your life that you will never get back. Don't let him take another minute. The best punishment you can give him is to be happy, to go on and live your life and follow your dreams and achieve your goals. If you sit back and feel sorry for yourself and don't move on and just think about what happened to you, then he didn't take just nine months, he took your whole life." When I heard that, it just made sense, like, duh. I'm not going to let him win.

Q: Have you had counseling or therapy to help you get through this?

A: As crazy as it sounds, no. If I ever need someone to talk to, my parents are there. They've opened as many doors as I want for psychologists and psychiatrists - it's always available. But I talk to my parents, and my grandfather, who has since passed. But when I was feeling really down, he'd call me, and we'd go horseback riding and talking.

Q: What's the main message that you want to leave with people regarding abuse?

A: First of all, I want them to have hope. To realize these things do happen, but it doesn't have to change who they are. No child should have to experience abuse. But there is hope and there are good people out there and you can walk away from the experience and not be broken forever. You can have a bright future if you choose to take that road. Miracles do happen.

And if something is happening, they need to tell someone. If they don't say something, no one will know. To stop the abuse, you have to speak up.

And if you suspect child abuse or if you know someone is soliciting child pornography, if you suspect anything, tell somebody. I've met so many adults who tell me, "When I was a child, I was abused, but I was so scared that I never told anyone." If you're an adult, if something happened to you, you still need to talk about it.

Q: So how do people contribute to and learn more about the Elizabeth Smart Foundation?

A: They just go to ElizabethSmartFoundation.org

Info: www.carehouse.org or 248-332-7173 to reach Carehouse of Oakland County, Mich., a child-advicacy center.

@ 2012 the Detroit Free Press

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