Maybe Baby: An infertility love story
By Mary Lou Aguirre
McClatchy Newspapers
I wish I had Oprah's power. You know, mention a book title on Tuesday and cause a near riot at Barnes & Noble on Wednesday.
That's how much I was moved by Matthew M.F. Miller's first book, "Maybe Baby: An Infertile Love Story" (Health Communications, Inc., $14.95). Miller and his wife, Constance, headed toward parenthood, expecting to be expecting in a matter of months, only to discover after two years of trying that the word infertility would become part of their everyday lives.
Chapter after chapter, the Chicago-based writer takes the reader into their lives and lovemaking (cats "Carrot, Ramona, and Cleo continued to perch above our heads as unyielding feline spectators, the honey-colored wood bed frame continues to creak at every toss or turn") and the following disappointment over a negative pregnancy test.
The couple's infertility experience included countless doctors appointments, tests, fertility medication -- and a doctor's prescription on how often to have sex for optimum baby-making results.
"I really hope the book lets other people in on the process," he says. "I have had readers say, 'I felt that way' or 'My husband had to do that.' They aren't alone in the things they are feeling or undergoing."
Chapter after chapter, I was convinced the next page would reveal that the couple, who met at the University of Iowa, would get pregnant. Happy ending. All is right with the world.
Nope.
They persevered. I was impressed how well the couple treated each other even when things looked desperate. They never turned their anger toward each other.
"We are truly in this together," he says. "I went to every appointment. We were both putting in all that effort."
Miller's book, which he considers a 298-page love letter to his wife, actually began as a blog of the same name at www.maybebabyblog.com.
"I wanted to do something and let Constance in on what I was thinking," he says. "It was a way to digest what I was doing. It was also a place where our family could check what was happening, which was so much easier for us than calling everybody."
After 10 months, the couple met with a urologist who instructed Miller to ice his groin. In addition, Miller had his fill of filling sperm specimen cups. One incident had him racing (after fixing a flat tire, too) to a hospital lab to drop off the time-sensitive specimen, only to be met with an employee more interested in continuing her personal phone conversation than helping him.
Support, Miller says, came from family, friends and the blogging community. He hopes men will read his book. Although he hears more on his blog from women.
"I hope it would give men an ability to express themselves and not think of themselves as less than a man," he says.
The Millers turned to in-vitro fertilization. "I think of the other couples who don't have that luxury. It can cost $10,000 to $12,000," he says.
Now, the good news: The Millers are pregnant!
Miller, 29, never at a loss for words, could barely think of how to blog about the news.
"When you want something for that long, you don't know what to say. It was a short entry of YES with 50 exclamation points. Even to this day, I still can't believe it."
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(The columnist can be reached at maguirre@fresnobee.com or (559) 441-6482.)