Ronnie Polaneczky: Paris, this is Franklin Mills: It's like Rodeo Drive, only more so
WELCOME, Paris Hilton! I know you'll be in Philly only long enough to scribble autographs tonight from 6 to 7 at Franklin Mills before the premiere of your movie, "The Hottie and the Nottie," at the mall's AMC multiplex.
WELCOME, Paris Hilton!
I know you'll be in Philly only long enough to scribble autographs tonight from 6 to 7 at Franklin Mills before the premiere of your movie, "The Hottie and the Nottie," at the mall's AMC multiplex.
Still, you're probably curious about the almost 20-year-old venue that'll be crawling with your loudest fans. So allow me to answer your questions about Franklin Mills, the region's first - but no longer only - "destination outlet mall."
What's with the mall's
zig-zag layout?
It's shaped like Ben Franklin's lightning bolt - an homage to the one that zapped Ben's kite and gave us the electricity that powers the star-maker machinery that makes you famous. While the mall's layout can be dizzying, be grateful it's not patterned after a Mummer's head-dress, or you'd never find your way to Perfumania to see how those celebrity scents are selling.
Is it true that the mall used to be home to thoroughbred racing?
The Liberty Bell Racetrack sat right here, Paris, and how you would've loved its sizzle! The best people to tell you about it are Franklin Mills regulars Joe DiSalvo and Joe Loviglio, who worked at the track for decades - DiSalvo as a clerk, Loviglio as a bartender. Joe and Joe relive their memories when they visit Philadelphia Park Casino and Racetrack, in nearby Bensalem.
Given some of your past, well-documented personal stumbles, Paris, you'd enjoy visiting the place. Because what happens in Bensalem stays in Bensalem.
What's the hot item at the mall's As Seen On TV store?
Even though Urine Gone! Stain and Odor Eliminator is a best-seller, I think you'd get more mileage out of the Buxton Bag Over-The-Shoulder Expandable Organizer - "the biggest little bag ever." It'll hold your sex tapes, Chihuahua and as many DUI citations as you can generate, with enough room left over for Nicole Richie's baby diapers. A steal at $19.95 - and no shipping charges!
Who are those people speed-walking past Earrings World at the crack of dawn?
They're the Mills Milers, (mostly) retirees who revel in the mall's climate-controlled, single-level emptiness seven mornings a week before the shops roll back the security gates for business. It's as comfy as L.A. in springtime, so why not join them one morning? When you're done, take a breather in one of the mall's automated Minute Masseuse lounge chairs (try the 30-minute rubdown for Canyon Ranch-like relief). Try to grab a seat next to Jim Alper, a hilarious 86-year-old World War II vet who commandeers the massage chairs like he owns them. If you're lucky, he'll tell how, back in the day, the Daily News' Charmin-like softness made it a must-have in the outhouse.
Not that you'd know what an outhouse is, but really, the guy is a scream.
What's with the Scrubs
& Beyond store?
The Delaware Valley is home to umpteen medical centers, pharma companies and lots of people in need of home health care (some of whom, frankly, might be in better shape if they'd hang out more with the Mills Milers). These caregivers deserve to be as fashionable as they are professional, and nothing has more snap than the Baby Phat Luxe Leopard scrub top with coordinating studded pant. Go ahead, Paris - try it on! With a belt and Blahniks, it's runway-ready.
The mall looks spiffier than I thought it would. So why do people keep saying it's going to close?
Franklin Mills marketing director Donna Danielson has no idea where these persistent rumors come from, but says they're just wrong, wrong, wrong. You know what that means, Paris? Your guaranteed return trip for "The Hottie and the Nottie Part II"!
All this abundance must make people feel so grateful.
You can say a prayer of thanks with them (and ask God for box-office success) at Bethel: The Church@Franklin Mills. Housed in a former theater adjacent to the mall, Bethel's motto is "We Do Church Differently!" The staff is lovely, and the Saturday-night service offers dinner discounts at area restaurants. Not that you couldn't afford the Bunyan Onion at Bugaboo Creek Steak House, but aren't these church people kind?
There is so much more to see, to buy and to eat at Franklin Mills, Paris, it's a shame your visit will be so brief.
Why not return one day, as a temporary personal shopper, a la "Simple Life"?
Lids For Less awaits you. *
E-mail polaner@phillynews.com or call 215-854-2217. For recent columns: