Jill Porter: Helping men become better dads
D'JUAN DIGGS wondered how it could happen, how he could wind up living in a homeless shelter with his girlfriend and children.
D'JUAN DIGGS wondered how it could happen, how he could wind up living in a homeless shelter with his girlfriend and children.
How could someone once working two jobs and going to college be reduced to this? But two years later, that painful juncture in Diggs' life has proven, in retrospect, to be his salvation.
It introduced him to Focus on Fathers, a government-funded program whose goal is improving father-child relationships.
That's where Diggs now works, helping other men become better fathers. It also helped him create a close, nurturing relationship with his own three children.
The downward spiral began, as it often does, with an unexpected crisis; the car Diggs used to get to his job in rural Virginia was demolished when someone hit it.
Then his second child was born prematurely and spent three months in the hospital. His girlfriend could no longer work, he had to quit college after two years and - well, everything fell apart.
All of which brought them to Philadelphia, where Diggs had extended family.
Then things got worse.
They wound up in a one-bedroom apartment in North Philadelphia with troublesome neighbors - who reported them to the Department of Human Services for child abuse. The report was unfounded, Diggs said. But the living conditions were so cramped that DHS moved them to a family shelter. That was April of 2005.
"At the time I looked at it belligerently," said Diggs, 31.
"But it turned out to be for the best."
Diggs was raised in a "traditional family," he said. Mom was the nurturer, Dad the provider. He, like his dad, was emotionally disengaged from his children.
Since DHS required him to take a parenting class, Diggs signed up for Focus on Fathers when it was offered at the shelter.
Most family-oriented programs are offered to mothers and children. Focus on Fathers, which began in 1997, is the rare exception.
The program, operated by Resources for Children's Health, provides parenting classes, peer support groups and father-child outings.
Case managers for RCH, an affiliate of Philadelphia Health Management Corporation, also help men resolve problems that stand in the way of fatherhood, whether it's finding a job, getting a GED or dealing with criminal charges or court-ordered child support.
The typical participant is 35 years old, African-American, and is there by fiat from a court or social-service agency.
Diggs became so committed that he continued attending sessions even after he and his family left the shelter last October.
The staff was impressed.
"He was very serious about his desire to be the best dad possible for his children and he'd been very active in helping us set up father-child activities," said Jeanne Ciocca, RCH executive director.
"I believe in supporting people who come through the process and can relate to the men. So when an opening became available, we agreed he'd be a great candidate."
Ten men sit in a semicircle watching participants role-play parents having a "healthy argument" with their rebellious child.
The group is particularly tickled by the man acting as the mother - a burly, tough-looking guy who's playing it to the hilt.
The topic at the evening's session is "Healthy Relationships."
The previous week, they role-played an unhealthy argument, resorting to sarcasm, cursing and name-calling.
"This is the first time we're doing positive role-play; it's much harder," Diggs says to them, as he paces the room.
"Last week was so easy, it was natural."
Diggs is candid about his background with the fathers.
"I tell them my story," he said.
Project manager Sulaiman Wood said Diggs' honesty "allows the men to see, 'You know what, this guy has been through these things and he's made it.'
"It gives them a sense of hope."
Diggs is also a different role model at home than his father.
"I hug and kiss them. I tell them I love them every day.
"I started taking them out more, and including my father."
Still, he wasn't expecting it when his girlfriend recently called in tears and said their son had something to say to him.
Then she put 4-year-old Raheem on the phone.
"Dad, I'm proud of you," he said.
Diggs was glowing when he hung up. *
E-mail porterj@phillynews.com or call 215-854-5850. For recent columns: