DON'T have a blog. If I did

blog, this is what it would be like. (To make it seem like a real blog, I'll include typos and factual errors.)

Will someone please create a shrine for whoever brouhgt Raul Ibanez to town?

While he gets competition from the peppy Shane Victorino, Always All-Star Chase Utley and Hammering Ryan Howard, Ibanez connected with (sometimes finicky) Philly fans. The creaky old guy even has a joyous nick-name - Rauuul.

It's great. He's great. (While in the geriatric center, high five to fan-friendly family man Jamie Mayer.)

You'd have to go back to the '95 World Series team to find Phillies so adored, even if you wouldn't let some of them near your sister. The current champions are like choirboys.

They're fun to watch, they don't quit, they dirty their uniforms and they personify professionalism.

Guys love their guts and girls love their cutes.

How can you not love them?

I am not loving the city's brainstorm to turn one lane of Spruce and Pine over to bicyclists. Two problems:

1. The damn streets are too congested now.

2. Too many bicyclists are smacked asses.

Let's start there. If they get special lanes, will they absolutely, positively keep off sidewalks, where so many rampage now?

If they get a street lane, will they obey rules of the road, which includes stopping at stop signs and red lights, and moving in the same direction as traffic?

Too many ride as if they own the right of way.

Let's go back to No. 1.

Despite those who smoke dope on Market Street, this ain't Amsterdam.

Bikes don't rule here and never will until I see Anna Verna pedaling up to City Council from South Philly or Brian O'Neill biking down from the Far Northeast.

The city gave cyclists one lane of Oregon and all that does is snarl traffic. I almost never see a bicyclist on Oregon. Why do those who are not there require a special lane?

I hate to be, like, all suspicious, but I think the Nutter administration is anti-car.

That would help explain zany parking regulations that change from block to block and sky-high meter fees that supposedly help businesses, but just harass and extort drivers.

Designed to harass Pennsylvanians is the annual Harrisburg Shame Festival with governor and legislators missing (for the ninth consecutive year) the mandated June 30 deadline to craft a budget.

The Harrisburglars know how to "get it done" when it comes to lining their own pockets, but not so much for us, the taxpayers.

The hapless bastards ought to be forced naked into a meat lokker and kept there until they have a budget.

Some are saying universal health care might break the budget for the U.S. (Like it's not already in the toilet.) Clearly, the current system needs reform.