HOW DOES a guy top smoking a joint in a police station?

By going on a naked, poop-smeared rampage inside said police station, apparently.

At least that's Carlen Higgs' philosophy, according to Upper Darby Police.

Higgs, 33, has been charged with disorderly conduct, public drunkenness and drug offenses after his bizarre visit to the Upper Darby police station on Sunday, Police Superintendent Michael Chitwood said last night.

"This guy was whacked out of his mind," Chitwood said. "It takes a lot of balls to go into a police station and light up a joint."

But Higgs, of Miller Avenue near Larchwood in Upper Darby, did just that "on his own accord," according to Chitwood.

Just after 11:30 a.m. Sunday, Higgs, while ranting incoherently, walked into the station on West Chester Pike and refused to leave until he spoke with a police officer, Chitwood said.

A security guard told him to wait on a nearby bench, and Higgs apparently thought it was the perfect chance for a smoke break.

But he wasn't packing tobacco.

When the officer Higgs so desperately wanted to see came out, he smelled the marijuana immediately and took Higgs into custody.

And then the show began.

Higgs disrobed, while still babbling, and relieved his bowels on the floor of his holding cell, Chitwood said. Then, as if struck by artistic inspiration, Higgs grabbed his own feces and "wiped it all over the walls," he said.

A subsequent evaluation at Mercy Fitzgerald Hospital revealed that Higgs was under the influence of a powerful hallucinogen, most likely PCP, Chitwood said.

This alleged spectacle isn't the first entry in Higgs' criminal record - he's been arrested several times in both Philly and Delaware County on charges including terroristic threats, assault and numerous weapons and drug violations, court records show.

He was convicted just twice: in a 2001 drug case and on a 2010 terroristic-threat charge.

Higgs remained in custody last night in lieu of 10 percent of $10,000 bail, court records show.

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