N

ORM MacDONALD

says he doesn't have any topical material. "I don't watch the news. I watch repeats of 'Rhoda' that air at the same time," he said when we asked if he wanted to try any new one-liners on our readers.

But the former "Saturday Night Live" funnyman says his act, playing five sold-out shows at Helium (2031 Sansom) this week, is all new. MacDonald, who also starred in the hilarious "Dirty Work," is now working on a movie called "Grown-Ups," in which he plays "some dude named Geezer." The comedy stars Adam Sandler, Kevin James, David Spade, Rob Schneider, Chris Rock, Colin Quinn, Maya Rudolph and Salma Hayek. It's directed by Dennis Dugan, father of new Phillies draftee Kelly Dugan. MacDonald is also working on a TV show for FX called "The New Norm MacDonald Show," which he calls "a pretend reality show" in which he plays himself. We asked MacDonald, who reprised his gum-chewing Burt Reynolds in the "SNL" finale "Celebrity Jeopardy" sketch last month, how Frank Stallone had been chosen as a frequent punch line on his "Weekend Update." "We just liked the picture of him," MacDonald says. "It was just a complete non sequitur. The jokes were so retarded, like 'There was a giant tsunami. What caused the tsunami? Yep, you guessed it, Frank Stallone," he said, thinking back on the gag.

Out and about

* Cole Hamels went for mixed green sa-

lad and a ribeye steak at Davio's (111 S. 17th) after Sunday's Phillies win over the Red Sox, dining with his wife, Heidi.

The couple left a 30 percent tip.

* Ryan Howard and friends celebrated

Sunday's win with a bottle of Grey Goose at Vango (18th & Chestnut), where Q102's Rocco hosts the Sunday-night party.

* Labor leader John Dougherty ran into

Texas Rangers centerfielder Josh Hamilton in a Hahnemann University Hospital waiting room the other day. Doc was there for a check-up from Dr. William Meyers, one of the country's experts on sports hernias, from which the Local 98 business manager is recovering. Hamilton, there with his wife, Katie, told Doc he heard that Meyers - who has operated on Donovan McNabb, Oakland A's shortstop Nomar Garciaparra and NBA star Grant Hill - was the best. Hamilton said he had a torn abdominal muscle and would be out four to six weeks.

* Chester County's Bam Margera was

the executive producer for a video by rockers 69 Eyes that shot last week at the Cattie Shack Market & Deli in Chadds Ford (1620 Baltimore Pike). Locals gawked as hot vampire chicks, one of whom was Margera's wife, Missy, cavorted for scenes shot inside and outside the store.

Jamie Apody sinks her threes

Don't challenge 6ABC sportscaster Jamie Apody to a three-point-shooting contest. On Saturday, Apody rained down threes on the court at Monsignor Bonner High, as the lone female on the celebrity team at the Billy Lake Marathon. The annual event raises funds to combat ALS. Apody's teammates included coaches Fran Dunphy of Temple, Phil Martelli of St. Joe's, Glen Miller and John Gallagher of Penn and Fran O'Hanlon, of Lafayette, Comcast's Michael Barkann and Marshall Harris, 93.3 WMMR's CaseyBoy of Preston & Steve, and CBS 3's Doug Kammerer and Don Bell.

Celebrity chefs cook for Alex's

"Top Chef" head judge Tom Colicchio and Food Network hosts Bobby Flay and Michael Symon will all participate tomorrow night in the 4th Annual Great Chefs Event benefitting Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation. The sold-out event (there are a few tix up for auction on eBay) at Osteria (640 N. Broad) features more than 20 chefs, including Eric Ripert, cooking to benefit the childhood-

cancer charity.

Bacon Bros. to benefit Mummers

Center City-raised actor Kevin Bacon and his brother Michael, who record and perform as the Bacon Brothers, will record a new version of "New Year's Day," the title track of their latest CD, to benefit the Save the Mummers Fund. The Bacon Brothers will be joined by R&B singer Bunny Sigler and the All-Star String Band - players from Mummers bands. They'll record Wednesday morning with veteran producer and Sound of Philadelphia cellist Larry Gold at the Studio (413 N. 7th), and will follow with an afternoon news conference that also will

include String Band Association President John Pignotti. *

Visit PhillyGossip.com for Dan's latest updates or follow PhillyGossip on Twitter. Have a tip? Call 215-854-5963, or e-mail grossd@phillynews.com. For recent columns, visit go.philly.com/dangross.