Waiting at 'Rainbow Bridge'

It's not Shakespeare. In fact, in terms of writing quality, it ranks somewhere near tacky bodice-rippers and teen fan fiction. It's maudlin, simplistic, and not something that I, a quasi-professional critic and cynic, should ever have anything to do with.

But damn if it doesn't make me cry every time I read it.

I'm talking about "The Rainbow Bridge." If you've ever loved and lost a pet, you've probably read it. There are a bunch of versions, but the gist of the piece is this: Your beloved pet dies and goes to a place "just this side of heaven" called the Rainbow Bridge. It's beautiful there. He has plenty of food and water. Sick pets become well and maimed ones are strong again. All the animals play happily together, but they're all sad about one thing - they miss you.

Then one day, your pet brightens. Tails wag, ears perk, he runs away from the partying pack.

And, as one version goes:

"You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

"Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together. . . . "

I first saw this in July 2005 when one of my cats died and the vet sent a sympathy card. I approached my reading callously. I ended it sobbing. What kind of sick, sick person would write something like this? Were they trying to kill me? (Full disclosure: I got very teary just copying that paragraph. Damn you, Rainbow Bridge!)

So I began to do some research.

A lot of people knew about "The Rainbow Bridge." A lot of people had the same reaction I did. An acquaintance has forbidden all mention of the Bridge in her home because it makes her so sad. One journalist friend had a family member read from it as they scattered her cat's ashes. Her father, she reports, was in tears.

It was like learning of some secret cult: Those Who Know "The Rainbow Bridge." Instead of a secret handshake, we identify each other by saying, "Rainbow Bridge?" If the other person winces in pain, we know we're cult mates.

The author of "The Rainbow Bridge" is usually credited as "Anonymous." According to Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia, the piece first appeared on the Internet in 1993, but may have been in circulation long before that. A current Google search (Rainbow Bridge and pets) reveals links to about 900,000 Web pages. You can buy cards and plaques imprinted with "The Rainbow Bridge." There are T-shirts and pillows.

"People all over the country are aware of that poem," said Sandi Herman, a Philadelphia social worker and health educator who offers grief counseling to those who have lost pets. "People in other countries are aware of that poem. It's one of those collective feelings. You feel very lonely when you're grieving, and the idea that you're somehow connected to others is comforting."

Herman - who calls "The Rainbow Bridge" "a killer" and admits to choking up any time she hears it - sometimes gives a copy of it to clients.

"It depends on the person and where they are in their grief," she said. "There are people who are probably not ready for it."

Grieving for a lost animal can be a difficult process, she said. Even though pets are being treated more like children every day - there are entire specialty stores dedicated to pet nonessentials like gilded collars and specialty tags, and even pet clothing sections in mainstream stores like Target - mourning the loss of a pet isn't considered completely legitimate.

"People are almost embarrassed about how much they love their animals and how devastated and sad they are," Herman said. "People in our society have difficulty talking about death anyway. With an animal, they're even less aware people might be suffering in some way."

When Martin Morley lost his ferret, D.J., on Feb. 13, 2004, the Bucks County man received a sympathy card with a rhyming version of "The Rainbow Bridge" from the folks at Last Chance Ferret Rescue in Southampton. It changed his life.

"I held that card and cried like a baby," Morley said. "It was that poem and the act of kindness of a total stranger. I held onto that card and said, When the time is right, I'll get involved" with the organization.

Morley now spends an average of $4,000 a month paying veterinary bills for the Rescue, "plus whatever is needed," he said. He personally cares for more than 50 ferrets, many of which have serious medical conditions and require individualized care.

"It all came from one bead of kindness and that one poem, 'The Rainbow Bridge,' " said Morley, who runs an electrical repair company. "People are like, 'You're stupid.' But when you look at some of these guys, you see how grateful they are. You know there's got to be a better place for them, because they were such good little animals."

Last Chance Ferret Rescue's Steve and Diane Bodofsky are the people who had reached out to Morley. Steve Bodofsky has rejiggered the prose into six rhyming verses, which he has copyrighted, and made into cards. The basic story is the same, and in the final verse, in which owner and pet are reunited, he writes, "The sadness they felt while they were apart / Has turned into joy once more in each heart. / They embrace with a love that will last forever, / And then, side-by-side, they cross over . . . together."

"The last line is the line that smacks you and smacks you hard," Steve Bodofsky said. "It's a lovely thought, the idea that these animals that have given us so much love during our lifetimes can then share eternity with us. You can't ask for a better thought than that. You can't be an animal person and not feel for that."

Erica Morgan, a veterinarian at Society Hill Animal Hospital in Center City, said some people grieve so deeply for their pets that she worries about them and sometimes thinks she and her colleagues are the only ones these people feel comfortable sharing their pain with.

"The rest of society, they're among non-pet owners or people who have not really loved an animal in that way," she said. "There's no acceptable place to have that level of grief. You don't get bereavement leave when your pet dies."

Morgan personally is not a Rainbow Bridge fan, even if it can pull a tear from her eye. ("It's like watching a Hallmark commercial, you're grossed out and crying at the same time," she says.) She usually prefers to give clients one of two poems that have to do with euthanasia, "From Friend to Friend" by Karen Clouston or the anonymously written "If It Should Be."

Since euthanasia is such a painful decision, the poems help because they reassure pet owners they're doing the right thing. As "If It Should Be" reassures the reader: "I know in time, you too will see, / It is a kindness you do me, / Although my tail its last has waved, / From pain and suffering, I've been saved. . . . Do not grieve that it should be you, / Who has to decide this thing to do. / We've been so close, we two, these years, / Don't let your heart hold any tears."

Thanks, Dr. Morgan. Just what I needed.

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; his eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together. ...

- Anonymous