Bonding for their lives

Dusk was settling in as five women began their ramble down a country road and around a small lake. The walk was initially silent and contemplative, yet still remarkably companionable.

After some stretching and deep breathing, the women made their way to life coach Patricia Osborne's Medford house, nestled in the woods. There was a pause for wine and cheese, and then the gathering's most important element - conversation.

The women, part of a group that labels itself "Boomer Chicks," were ending a series of monthly gatherings that had begun in January to explore more of what it means to be part of that vast bulge in the population born between 1946 and 1963.

Everyone might benefit from a little female bonding, but experts say many boomer women have unique challenges unrecognized or experienced by generations who preceded them. For instance, a loneliness may plague women in their 50s and 60s who, because they have been working most of their adult lives, may have workplace friends but not a lot of deeper female connections.

Margaret Marsh, a historian and executive dean of the faculty of arts and sciences at Rutgers University-Camden, noted that many of these women were exploring terrain their mothers never did.

"Typically, the women in the generation before the boomers were marrying early and having children early," she said. "In many ways, their lives were more confined, and more predictable."

Boomers, Marsh said, may be the first generation to experience autonomy fully. Sexual freedom, career opportunities, and a smorgasbord of lifestyle choices are relatively new concepts.

"It can be exhilarating - and it can be a little shocking, too."

After the hike, a 90-minute discussion ensued under the gentle stewardship of Osborne, 58, an elementary schoolteacher for 25 years who transitioned into life coaching. As part of her coaching, she leads group sessions with boomer women, conducts individual coaching, and also organizes what she calls Boomer Chick Adventures, outings and excursions that include hikes in the New Jersey Pine Barrens, kayaking on local lakes and streams, and paddleboard lessons and horseback riding (see story at right).

The theme of this night's boomer group gathering, the Summer Solstice, is a jumping-off point for conversation about change, relationships, and growth. Although Osborne conducts individual coaching, she believes the group dynamic makes a difference for boomer women.

"Most of these women are happy and positive, but want to make space for deeper-level conversation with other women about positive change and intentional 'upgrades,' " she said.

Marilyn Elicker, 58, of Voorhees, a manager of low-income housing for seniors, was motivated to join Boomer Chicks because she needed some support and direction in her life and couldn't untangle those feelings alone. At the same time, as the mother of a 21-year-old autistic son, Elicker initially didn't think she could open up to strangers.

"Having a child with special needs doesn't give you much of an opportunity to meet people," she said.

Eventually, she learned the Boomer Chicks included some soul sisters after all.

Both Bryony Crane, 57, of Medford and Robin Waddell, 59, of Delanco wanted to explore ongoing transitions in their lives. Crane, a registered dietitian and diabetes educator, is seriously contemplating a career change, maybe into wellness coaching. "This class has helped me through the thought process and planning. I feel like I have more wisdom, and more confidence."

After leaving a career teaching health and physical education to earn a master's degree in public health, Waddell needed some reassurance and support.

"I lost both my mother and my best friend at the same time several years ago, and felt a void in my female relationships," Waddell said. "It's been challenging to share thoughts, which is not something I usually do well. But Boomer Chicks has made it easier."

Julie Morley, 48, is the "baby" of the group, and often the leader of brief sessions of yoga, which became a life-changer for her about 10 years ago.

"I'm loving getting to know myself as me - not mom, wife, daughter, massage therapist - me! And I really enjoy me," said Morley, of Washington Township. "I'm more comfortable with who I am, how I look, what I think - and I don't care so much whether other people agree with me."

She's hoping and planning to let go of some of the scheduling annoyances that come from working for others, and open her own yoga/massage/wellness studio in the next few years.

And, oh yes, perimenopause is plaguing her. "That uterus is definitely one of my personal challenges," Morley said. And then there are her knees. "I worry about why my knees look like they do."

Charlotte N. Markey, an associate professor in the department of psychology at Rutgers-Camden, specializes in how cultural and media influence women's body image.

She laments that boomers have a shrinking number of gracefully aging role models, with celebrities their age looking 10 years younger because of cosmetic procedures. "So it's likely that boomers are experiencing more conflicts about how to age than any other past generation."

By evening's end, the Boomer Chicks had talked of it all - changing bodies, changing lives, empty nests in some cases, and the daunting responsibility of caring for aging parents.

Finally, it was time for a reckoning about progress, and Osborne reviewed the parts of boomer life that were the focus of the monthly gathering's overall theme, "Dream It! Plan it! Do It!": finance, homes, free time, physical health, relationships, personal and spiritual lives.

Then to wrap things up, each received a small but mighty reminder of their months together, a bumper sticker: "Boomer Chicks Rule!"