Anna Goldfarb, Shmitten Kitten blogger, writes new dating memoir, 'Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through'

ANNA GOLDFARB writes about herself every day at her blog Shmitten Kitten. But with the release last week of her memoir, Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through, she's finally writing under her own name.

On Shmitten Kitten, the South Jersey-based Goldfarb parses her dating life. She writes more in generalities - things that she loves about guys, things that irk her about guys - and she doles out advice to the 20,000 unique readers she says she has a month. Copious pop-culture references are dotted throughout.

She calls it a dating blog for people who would probably never read a dating blog.

"I think people like my site because I'm so bad at dating. It's so annoying to hear a woman write, 'I have a great boyfriend. His name is josh-U-a,'" Goldfarb said. "I never date, I never have a boyfriend. It's more satisfying to read about that."

On Shmitten Kitten she's just "Anna." In Clearly, she's Anna Goldfarb. It's a big distinction for someone who writes about herself almost exclusively. If Shmitten Kitten is like hanging out with a bunch of your lady friends dishing on dudes, then Clearly is the best-friend confessional, where Goldfarb gets into specifics about her dating foibles and goes broader, reflecting on how she became the person she is now - a "6'1", barely employed, single, [34-year-old] Jewish woman."

Matthew Rose, who dated Goldfarb for a year and half starting in 2005, knows there's a story about him in Clearly, and he's seen positive and negative references to himself on Shmitten Kitten. But Rose trusts Goldfarb's voice, comparing her with humorist David Sedaris, who Goldfarb herself mentioned as an influence. "[Sedaris] writes things about his family that are less than flattering but they're never mean-spirited," Rose said.

Like Sedaris, Goldfarb tells her stories through essays. Topics range from the time a boyfriend left her warm embrace so he could play Dungeons & Dragons, wedding party dos (cheer on guests attempting to do the worm on the dance floor) and don'ts (hitting on the groom before the wedding), and when her parents called the cops on her for spending a night out with a guy without telling them she wouldn't be home.

"To keep the blog going I had move back to my parents' house, which is not sexy," Goldfarb said, open about her own embarrassment at the situation.

On the other hand, "I'm like a loser with a book deal."

Unlike most memoirs, Clearly, I Didn't Think This Through is about a life that's not yet finished, one that's still in progress. Goldfarb said she can't get a job (in the first chapter, she admits she's "not cut out" for office jobs).

"Maturity used to be something I aspired to, but as a woman in my thirties, I wear it like an ill-fitting sweater that I've flung into the corner, hoping one day that I would pick it up and it would magically fit better," Goldfarb writes in Clearly.

But the unfinished aspects of Goldfarb's life that she recounts in her book are the same things that make Shmitten Kitten appealing. She's not the person you aspire to be, she's the person that you see yourself in.

Goldfarb knows that if she hadn't put the effort into Shmitten Kitten, she probably wouldn't have a book deal to tout. Goldfarb's mother, Arlene, has the same view. "If she was a terrible writer, it would be different," she said.

Arlene talked with the Daily News on the day of the book's release and said that she and Anna would be traveling to local bookstores just to see the book on store shelves. "I never doubted today" would happen, Arlene said.

Anna Goldfarb grew up in Chicago and lived in New York after graduating from college, and worked for Paper magazine. She moved to Philly in 2002, shortly after being laid off from Paper, and started Shmitten Kitten in 2008. She moved in with her folks the next year.

"I've made so many impulsive decisions. I never think anything through," Goldfarb said, the week before her book came out, over margaritas at Fishtown's Loco Pez. "It's funny that we picked that title. The original title was I Wish You Were a Little Bit Shorter."

That's the other thing one most know about Goldfarb to truly understand her. Though tall, she prefers significant others who are shorter than her. "I flip my shades, I get whiplash checking all the shorties," Goldfarb said.

She doesn't know where it comes from, but it's an integral part of her personality, a piece she refuses to relinquish, even if that limits her dating options severely.

"I have friends who tell me, 'Drop the short guy thing, it's really shallow.' It's not really shallow if it's the essence of my personality. This is what I want. I'm not going to compromise," Goldfarb said. "Don't tell me about what I do or don't want, but people do it a lot to me because I'm so vocal about what I want.

"I ain't changing. This pie is already baked and I like short dudes."

" @mollyeichel