Tell Me About It: Soul mates at crossroads

Adapted from a recent online discussion.

Question: My boyfriend of three years proposed to me 10 months ago. I wasn't ready; he's been patient. He's now eager to know one way or the other and neither of us wants to waste more time (early 30s), but I am torn.

I feel like he is my soul mate and we connect on an otherworldly level. But I hesitate to commit because I am religious and he does not want to participate. I am also very spiritual and have a hard time saying yes to a life where I know I will not grow and connect spiritually/religiously with my spouse.

I've tried therapy, we've tried giving each other space, and we've tried living our lives together until I arrive at an eventual conclusion. This is tearing us apart, as individuals and as a couple. What now?

Answer: Since you've tried everything else, the only remaining choice is to leave for good - to exit decisively enough for you both to start building new lives without each other.

For the sake of argument, though: You say, "we connect on an otherworldly level" - and then, "I know I will not grow and connect spiritually/religiously with my spouse." Which is it? "On an otherworldly level" and "spiritually" sound like the same connection to me. That would mean your sole disconnection is organized religion - and while that's clearly no small thing to you, it's also not fair to assume spiritual growth with him is a nonstarter.

Question: You are correct in equating "otherworldly" and "spiritual" connections. It boils down to two issues I can't get past: I feel like I am not getting the spiritual nourishment I need to deepen my faith and live a more fulfilling life, plus there's the prospect of being the only parent providing a religious example for future kids.

Answer: If he was raised in a church community and then encouraged to decide for himself, maybe he'd agree to the same for your kids.

Every marriage leaves some hunger unsatisfied. And we can decide whether it's realistic to seek this missing nourishment outside the marriage.