Her husband died of OD, now brother's an addict

DEAR ABBY: My husband died from a drug overdose, and I am a widow at 32. He wouldn't stop and I was helpless to intervene. I am now raising our two sons alone.

My problem is, my brother is headed down the same road, and I don't know how to help him. I don't have the money to send him to rehab, and he doesn't think he has a problem.

I don't want to turn my back on him or lose him the way I lost my husband. Furthermore, how do I explain this to my 9- and 10-year-old sons? The most influential man in their life is setting a terrible example.

- Can't Turn Away From My Brother

DEAR CAN'T TURN AWAY: If seeing your husband die from an overdose wasn't enough to convince your brother that it was time to get into a substance-abuse program, then nothing you can do will.

Your boys are old enough to know how dangerous drugs are and that they caused the premature death of their father. Do not permit them to be in the presence of anyone who is abusing drugs and spiraling downward, or they will grow into adolescence thinking it is normal. Your brother is the only person who can help himself get back on his feet, no matter how much you might wish it were otherwise.

DEAR ABBY: I don't understand divorced women and the restrictions they put on their exes about what they can and can't do with their children. Instead, they should be grateful these fathers are active parts of their children's lives. Too many fathers simply walk away.

Remember, ladies, you made a baby with him. He is their dad and he has every right to parent as he sees fit, even if it differs from your own philosophy. And dads, stand up for your right to be a real dad!

- Unsympathetic Mom in Pa.

DEAR MOM: It's not that you lack sympathy, but you obviously don't relate to the women you hear complain. While some of them may seem controlling or hyper-protective, others may have valid concerns about their children's safety while they're with Dad.