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Popular sex-ed instructor Al Vernacchio schools parents on talking to their kids

Nothing’s off-limits for this high school teacher, who speaks forthrightly about sexual topics in the classroom and on his blog.

Al Vernacchio, a nationally known sexuality teacher in his classroom at Friends Central High School at 1101 City Avenue, Wynnewood, PA. Photograph taken on Thursday, October 2, 2014. ( ALEJANDRO A. ALVAREZ / STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER )
Al Vernacchio, a nationally known sexuality teacher in his classroom at Friends Central High School at 1101 City Avenue, Wynnewood, PA. Photograph taken on Thursday, October 2, 2014. ( ALEJANDRO A. ALVAREZ / STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER )Read moreDN

FRIENDS CENTRAL'S Al Vernacchio is the cool sex-ed teacher you should have had in high school but probably didn't.

Nothing's off-limits. Internet pornography and how it distorts perceptions of real-life sex. The perils of sexting. Alternative lifestyles. All this and more are common discussion topics in Vernacchio's popular class on sexuality and society.

In his classroom, there's an old shoe box where students can leave anonymous questions about sex. No matter how far-fetched the inquiry, Vernacchio tackles them all, either during his lectures or on his blog. Here's a sampling:

Q: Could you use a balloon as a condom?

Vernacchio: Short answer - Absolutely not!!! Unsafe! Unhealthy! Danger! Danger!

Q: Can girls really have orgasms?

Vernacchio: Absolutely!

Yo, a teacher speaking forthrightly about female orgasms? That didn't happen during the Dark Ages, when I was in high school. The nuns kept it simple. They pretty much taught us two forms of birth control - the rhythm method and abstinence. Others were mentioned but deemed sinful. We didn't get a lot of practical advice about navigating life as a sexual being.

Vernacchio speaks openly in his classes, not only about the mechanics of intercourse but also about alternate ways to express oneself sexually.

"One of the things I'm big on is helping to teach kids, OK, so what is an appropriate way to get your needs met that might actually be safe and good and fun and that you can actually handle?" Vernacchio, 50, told me last week. "So we talk about different kinds of pleasure.

"I've met too many kids who told me, 'We had sex because we didn't know what else to do.' And that's sad. There are so many ways to connect with people and have fun without all of the risks involved."

Some parents might be uneasy with his approach. But it was a student's parent who introduced him to a literary agent and helped him recently publish his first book, For Goodness Sex: Changing the Way We Talk to Teens about Sexuality, Values and Health (Harper Wave).

A kid from South Philly

Vernacchio, a self-described "short, fat, hairy, Italian-American man," grew up in a Roman Catholic family in South Philadelphia, at 10th and Bigler streets. He attended Stella Maris Church and school before graduating from St. Joseph's Prep in 1982.

"I was a good student and I was not very athletic. And I was a little bit of a sissy boy," recalled Vernacchio, who is gay and married to a pianist. "My father wanted me to be a priest."

Instead, he enrolled at St. Joseph's University, where he majored in theology and minored in English. After graduating in 1986, he returned to his high-school alma mater and taught religion and English for seven years.

As part of freshman religion, he also taught sex-ed. After getting laid off in 1993, Vernacchio spent four years at ActionAIDS as a volunteer coordinator/trainer. He loved the job - he still volunteers - but missed teaching.

In 1997, Vernacchio joined the English-department faculty at Friends Central, the upscale Quaker private school on the Main Line. After a couple of years there, Vernacchio, who has a master's degree in human sexuality, offered to teach "Sexuality and Society" as a senior-year elective. His innovative teaching methods attracted national attention when he was profiled in a 2011 New York Times Magazine cover story.

Students attend the class every day, sitting in a semicircle around the room. The vibe is informal. Vernacchio's big on not moralizing. He thinks that kids have to determine their own value systems.

"He's a master at creating a classroom culture that's safe for kids to ask questions or say what you think," said Shannan Boyle Schuster, Friends Central's assistant head of school for academics.

Still, isn't it hard, sometimes, to fight the impulse to say, "Don't do it! You're going to feel lousy the next day"?

"What I want is - if somebody makes the decision to do something, to do it so that they don't feel lousy the next day," Vernacchio said. "It's deliberate. It's consensual. It's mutual . . ."

It's also not so easy, he admitted.

"We don't get to play with people. That's not fair. That's a hard message, that you've got to be authentic, and you've got be honest. We live in a world that tells you that that's not true."

Blog: ph.ly/HeyJen