She's tired of being the responsible one

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 20s and finishing up two degrees at university. I am an only child, and my mother is one of the youngest among 10 siblings, so I have many cousins.

I have always been the "good one," the one who is responsible, not addicted to drugs and who has a promising future. Because of this, my childless aunts and uncles and those with irresponsible children have looked to me for moral support and guidance during their golden years. Many of them are now in their 60s.

Abby, I already have to take care of my parents as they grow older. This stress as an only child and the "responsible cousin" weighs heavily on me. What would you advise?

- The Good One

DEAR GOOD ONE: Recognize what your limitations are and pace yourself accordingly. As you start your professional life and, eventually, your own family, it's important that you not allow yourself to be spread so thin you make yourself sick.

Your first responsibility must be to yourself, your immediate family and your parents. If looking out for your aunts and uncles becomes more time- and energy-consuming than you can handle, consider enlisting the help of a social worker.

DEAR ABBY: During meals, my girlfriend uses her fingers to push the food on her plate onto her fork. She does it not only when we're at home - just the two of us - but also out in public at restaurants. This can't be proper manners, can it? How can I get her to stop without upsetting her? Or am I better off not bringing up the subject?

- Uncertain in San Francisco

DEAR UNCERTAIN: What your girlfriend is doing is considered poor table manners. Because she's having trouble maneuvering her food onto her fork, suggest to her that she should do what some Europeans do - push it onto the fork using the blade of her knife.