Googling sis' beau shows that he's a sex offender

DEAR ABBY: Recently, a member of the family suggested that my mother Google the name of my sister's new live-in boyfriend. When Mom did, she saw that he is a convicted sex offender. We were all shocked.

So far, we haven't said anything to my sister or her boyfriend, and I am unsure what to do. I have a small child and it makes me nervous. I don't know if my sister knows, and I don't know how to bring it up.

- Upset in Virginia

DEAR UPSET: First let me tell you what not to do. Do not remain silent and stew. Tell your sister everything you have written to me and ask if she's aware that her live-in boyfriend is on a sex-offender website. If his offense concerned a minor child, it is possible that he is not supposed to be around children - and if he has been that the authorities would like to know. But, first, discuss this with your sister who may - or may not - be able to put your fears to rest.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a widower for a year. He still has a mini shrine of his late wife's ashes and belongings in their house. I can't bring myself to have dinner or sleep over there with that overt presence.

He recently told me he's saving her remains to be intermingled with his when he dies. It was among a long list of her afterlife instructions he described.

Realistically, shouldn't I expect more than second best in his world?

- Waiting and Wondering

DEAR WAITING AND WONDERING: Ask him in a nonconfrontational way how he feels about carrying out all of his deceased wife's wishes - and whether he thinks it is fair to himself or you. Be prepared to discuss it without becoming emotional. His answers will tell you everything you need to know about a future with him.

P.S. If your relationship with him is good, why not focus on the present and not worry about what happens to his body when he's gone? However, if this is a deal breaker, then don't invest any more time.