His mother touches him way too much

D

EAR ABBY:

Every time my new wife and I visit my mom or she visits us, my mother scratches my back, rubs my arm, rests her hand on my inner thigh, tickles me, hugs me or touches me any chance she gets. I don't reciprocate or validate the touching, but I don't discourage it either. She has been this way for so long that I've just gotten used to it. I never noticed how creepy it was until my wife mentioned something.

The problem is, how do I address this with my mother? I don't want to throw my wife under the bus as the reason for the discussion, but I am not sure how believable it will be if I suddenly say after 30-plus years that it bothers me. I want the message that I feel she should stop touching me at every opportunity to come from me. How do I have this conversation? What can I say?

- No Means No

DEAR NO MEANS NO: Say, "I love you, Mom, and I know I should have mentioned this before, but when you do that, it makes me uncomfortable, so please stop." If she wants to know why, all you have to do is tell her you know she loves you, but you think what she's doing is excessive.

DEAR ABBY: We go out to eat occasionally with another couple I'll call Jack and Jill. Most restaurants around here offer free refills on soft drinks or self-serve. Jack will order water (free) to drink while Jill orders a soda. They then take their empty glasses and refill them with a colorless soft drink.

They see nothing wrong with the practice. We think it's stealing, and we are embarrassed. What are your thoughts, and how should we react when this is done in front of us? Lately we have been making excuses to avoid going out with them.

- Eating with Cheapskates

DEAR E.W.C.: I agree that it's stealing. Jack and Jill are taking something to which they are not entitled. Have you spoken to them about it? If you have, then because their behavior makes you uncomfortable, you are justified in not going out with them.