DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Barb," and I have been married for 21 years, and like any married couple, we've had our ups and downs.

We recently visited my mom, a widow in her 80s. Barb caught a cold while we were there and needed to stay in bed while Mom and I visited family.

I noticed that Mom was letting the cleanliness of her bathroom go, but Barb and I never discussed it.

When we got home, our good neighbor friends told me that Barb had texted them a photo of Mom's bathroom while we were away. I was shocked and embarrassed.

I feel like my wife was talking about me and my family behind my back. Barb insisted she was just poking fun at the situation. If that was the case, I should have been involved in the "fun."

This isn't the first time something like this has happened. I feel like my trust and friendship have been violated.

Am I overreacting?

- Left Out in Indiana

DEAR LEFT OUT: Because this isn't the first time your wife has done something like this, and I presume you have let her know how you felt about it, I don't think you're overreacting.

Talk to your mother to see if there's a reason she's unable to keep up with her housework. She may need to be evaluated by her doctor to make sure she's OK.

If something is wrong with her, it is not the least bit "funny." In fact, for your wife to subject your mother to ridicule is hostile.

It's time to find out what's at the root of your wife's antics.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.