Tell Me About It: Don't take date slight personally
Adapted from a recent online discussion. Question: I had a first date last night with someone I met through a dating site. It seemed to go fine. Then this morning, I see that she has removed her profile from the site. Should I take this personally?
Adapted from a recent online discussion.
Question: I had a first date last night with someone I met through a dating site. It seemed to go fine. Then this morning, I see that she has removed her profile from the site. Should I take this personally?
Answer: Because I suspect about 95 percent of the world's problems stem, at least in part, from people's taking things personally that they really don't need to, I'm going to say no.
She could have done it because she liked you. Or liked some other date. Or hated some other date. Or whatever. So, if you want to see her again, try to set up another date. If she declines, you'll have your answer.
It's an answer you still shouldn't take personally, because not being a fit with someone just means you're X to someone who's looking for Y. Treat it as a math problem unless and until you have overwhelming evidence it's a personality problem.
Comment: Or the site glitched. Or she didn't renew her membership and they closed her listing. There are dozens of explanations. If you thought the date went well, why were you on the site, though? Imagine her seeing your "recent activity" and thinking, "But I had a good time! What's wrong?"
Comment: People don't always exchange off-site contact information until after the first date has gone well. (Suppose it goes badly, and now someone you never want to see or hear from again knows your email address.) So date goes well, Letter Writer goes to say so and try to set up another date, girl has deactivated her profile and is nowhere to be found.
Reply: Different scenario, same advice: Don't take it personally.
If this happens every time, then I'll reconsider. Thanks.
Question: How about waking up to a message on Facebook from someone I rarely speak with that says, "very suicidal"?! I write back, and keep checking back, no replies. She lives in another state. I don't have contact info and - what?!
I can't feel good ignoring a cry for help, but I am the most random person she could have chosen, and I'm really worried now. Not fair. We are not close at all. I'm not sure she would let me know she didn't hurt herself. But what if?
Answer: Don't mess around - report it to Facebook here:
If and when you know where someone lives, you contact local police immediately, as well. Because you apparently don't, alerting Facebook puts the information in the hands of people who have access to at least some of the person's information.
Question: I have discovered my boyfriend has been soliciting services from local escorts. Though he claims this was just communication for the thrill, I have a hard time believing his excuse, and this incident makes me question his judgment and character. Thoughts? Can a relationship survive something like this? Or should it?
Answer: There are seven billion people on Earth. Surely some of them are both good company and not using escort services.
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