My wife and I have been married for almost 11 years and have three children. About four years ago, my wife cheated on me and left. After a six-week split, we decided we wanted to work things out. Everything was great - until recently, when she got a job working at a busy gym.
Several of the guys from the gym have added her on Facebook and send her messages. They "like" all her posts and pictures. I work out there, and when I go in, I see her laughing and joking with them. This has all started to bring me flashbacks to when she cheated.
I tried talking to her about how I feel, but she just says that they are my insecurity issues and that I need to deal with them. At this point, I'm contemplating divorce so I won't go through the same pain I went through last time. I check her Facebook page constantly to see if she has added any new guys and see what comments they are leaving. I know it's not healthy, and it makes me constantly depressed.
My wife has no interest in marriage counseling, but tells me I should seek professional help for my issues. Is there any saving this marriage, or is it time to move on?
- Threatened in Texas
DEAR THREATENED: Part of your wife's job is to be friendly to the members of that gym. It doesn't mean that she's involved with any of them outside of work. The problem with jealousy and insecurity is that, unless they are managed, they tend to feed on each other and grow. While I can't banish the suspicions from your mind, some sessions with a licensed mental health professional might help you to put them into perspective. It may save your marriage. However, if it doesn't ease your mind, you can always talk to a lawyer.
I take a maintenance pain pill for arthritis. I count them every other day to make sure that I'm not taking too many.
My daughter has been coming to my house a lot lately, and - not every time, but off and on - I'll count my pills after she leaves, and my count doesn't match the one from the day before. Sometimes, I'm missing almost all of them, but when I talk to my daughter and ask if she took them, she always says she didn't. If I ask nicely, "Are you sure?" she accuses me of calling her a liar.
I know she's taking them, but I don't know what to do about her lying to me about it. I really need the pills for myself. The doctor prescribes them only once a month, and I know I'm going to run out.
What should I do? I don't want to hurt my daughter's feelings, but she needs to stop taking my pills.
- In Pain in Kansas
DEAR IN PAIN: Your daughter may have become addicted to your pain medication or be selling them to people who are. It's time to start keeping your pills under lock and key. Once you do, your daughter may be forced to come clean about the lying - or you may find you're seeing a lot less of her than you currently do.