Last year I had a baby with one of my college professors. He left me 10 days before our daughter was born and has never met her. I chased him through family court, and he gives me the bare minimum in state-ordered support.
Recently, I spotted him advertising himself on a dating website as a loving man and describing how he loves his first daughter with no mention of ours (he has two other children, a girl and a boy). How do I move past this? A part of me is angry for her, but I'm also angry for myself. I'm in therapy, but seeing him on a dating website describing himself as a good person, when in truth he's a sociopath, has reopened wounds I thought had closed months ago.
- Open Wounds
DEAR OPEN WOUNDS: Thank you for writing to me, but this is a question you should be addressing with your psychotherapist. Sometimes it takes multiple doses of "medicine" to cure an ailment, but the longer you allow this man to occupy real estate in your head, the harder it will be for you to get on with your life. Call your therapist.
Talk on too much talk
DEAR ABBY: I love my fiance with all my heart. We have good friends and family. The problem is, my fiance loves to talk. He talks A LOT.
I've known this since I met him, but because I don't talk much, it doesn't bother me. I like listening to his stories. However, I can see our friends getting annoyed because of his constant talking. It also happens when we are around his family - and they usually end up treating him badly for it.
Is there any way I can gently talk to him about this so he's aware that he is irritating people? I don't want to hurt him, but I also don't want him to annoy people. I'm also afraid it may affect his employment. His coworkers get that same look on their faces when he's talking that his family members do when they are annoyed with him.
- Engaged to a Big Talker
DEAR ENGAGED: Your fiance may have difficulty picking up on social cues, which is why he doesn't notice that others become annoyed as he drones on and on. You should absolutely point out to him what you have noticed, and tell him you are concerned that it may affect his employment. Then suggest he discuss his compulsive talking with a licensed mental health professional. This is not to imply there is anything "wrong" with him, but rather that he may benefit from professional help in recognizing the social cues he is missing.
Take care of treaters
A NOTE TO PARENTS OF YOUNG CHILDREN: Tonight is the night when wee witches and goblins will be out trick-or-treating. Please supervise them so they'll be safe. Happy Halloween, everyone!