After 16 months of casual dating, I married my ex-wife. We met through Facebook. Unfortunately, we couldn't make the marriage work, and after two years we divorced.
That was two years ago. It was my first marriage and her second. I was angry that we couldn't make it work, and I blamed her for it. I felt hate and disgust for her and blocked her out of my life.
One night I was bored and decided to go back through all my old Facebook posts. When I reached the year my ex and I began talking and reread the posts from after we were married, I realized that it was my fault our marriage failed. My ex-wife loved me so much you could feel it through her posts to me, but I didn't reciprocate that love. I feel horrible that I didn't recognize it during our time together.
She has since moved on and is getting married next year. I want her to know how sorry I am for giving up on us and apologize for all the hateful things I said about her. My feelings have nothing to do with her moving on. I am truly happy for her.
Should I tell her how sorry I am, or must I continue to live with the shame I feel? It's tearing me up, but I think it may be best to leave her alone.
- It Was My Fault
DEAR MY FAULT: I don't think it is ever too late to offer an apology. You and your ex have both grown since the divorce, albeit in opposite directions. Write her a letter, tell her you are sorry and wish her well. It's the right thing to do, but do not expect absolution.
Splurged on friends, she got fries in return
DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, my two BFFs had milestone birthdays within a few weeks of each other. Wanting to do something special, I splurged for a weekend in Vegas for the three of us. I bought first-class plane tickets, high-end hotel rooms, spa appointments, the best seats at a show, and paid for all our meals - including dinner at an expensive steak house. While I could afford it, the weekend cost me several thousand dollars.
Fast-forward a couple of years to MY milestone birthday. One of them sent me a card, and they split the tab for my lunch at a fast-food restaurant. There were promises of something more special to come. While I didn't expect the extravagant experience I gave them (our financial situations are different), I thought they might plan lunch or dinner at a nice restaurant. Since then, nothing more has been said or done.
This was a couple of years ago, and I still can't let go of my hurt and disappointment. We've been friends for more than 20 years, but I'm thinking of ending the relationships. Every time I see them, I wonder if our friendship is one-sided. How can I get past this?
- Disappointed in Dallas
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: Your mistake was going over the top with their birthday splurges. When you do something nice for someone, you shouldn't EXPECT reciprocation.