DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have two daughters whom we have taught to use good manners. We are proud that they always remember to use their "pleases" and "thank yous" and many people have commented how polite they are.
My problem is the majority of their friends have little to no manners at all. They never thank me when we carpool places or take them out for lunch or dinner. I rarely hear "yes, please" when I offer food or beverages at my home. Even my daughters say it at home!
Should I correct their behavior? Should I tell them I want them to use their manners when they are with me? Should I speak to the parents about it? Or am I expecting too much?
- Manners Maven
DEAR MANNERS MAVEN: I'm sorry you didn't mention how old your daughters' friends are, but if they are over the age of 10, it would be more diplomatic to talk to the girls privately and convey your message.
If you prefer they use better manners in your home, it is your right to say that to them. However, if you call the parents, the parents may think you are criticizing their parenting skills (and they wouldn't be wrong).
As to whether you are expecting too much, frankly, you may be. Sadly, adults who never learned good manners themselves can't pass them on to their children.
DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, I loaned a small amount of money to a close friend. She promised to pay me back, but has yet to do so. I wasn't too concerned because it was a minimal amount, but a few months ago she asked to borrow a larger amount. Again, I didn't hesitate to help her out because she has been there for me several times in the past in important ways - although they weren't financial.
Because the recent loan was a large one, I would like to be repaid. How do I tactfully ask her for the money without seeming petty or like I'm nagging? And is it too late to ask that the previous smaller amount be included as well?
- Friend, Not an ATM
DEAR FRIEND: In light of the fact that your friend has made no effort to repay the first loan for an entire year, it would be neither pushy nor nagging to ask when she intends to start. If she can't come up with the entire amount, perhaps she can repay a little each month. However, if she can't/won't start paying you back, you may have to accept that you won't be getting any of your money.