The news came in a very serious email: "Checked my phone. All photos targeted at female chest area."
If you didn't already know — and I didn't — your iPhone is trained to find objects or people and group those photos into folders when you search for them. But someone discovered today that you could search by Brassiere.
Twitter erupted: First, the warning tweet: ATTENTION ALL GIRLS ALL GIRLS!!!, said the woman who seems to take a lot of photos of women's breasts. Why can you search brassiere and not boxer shorts or briefs? Who made this decision?
I checked my phone, and apparently I haven't taken any photos of breasts.
But what I did discover, as the search field auto-populated, was that Break of Day is a searchable category (turns out I have six, quite nice dusk photos). So is Birthday Cake (six years of parties); Bride (eight from fashion shoots); and Badminton. (Would you believe I have three? And that I just learned how to actually spell badminton?)
So while the brassiere thing hasn't elicited much more than a big whoop for me, I have now found a new activity for the times I am not checking email, Twitter, texts, Instagram, Facebook, and Slack: How many ways am I able to categorize my life in images? And do those categories depict something accurate?
The P search, alone, offers a smorgasbord of insights. The images of 19 Performances — including three soccer trophy ceremonies, the Indigo Girls concert where I lost my voice, and the kindergarten recital — are a decent portrayal of my life's range. Packsacks shows that I like the outdoors, Plants proves I'm a gardener, and given that every first- and last-day-of-school photo is taken on my Porch, you might be able to piece together that I'm a mother.
The fact that Privies is a search option tells me the categories may have been borne by a bunch of drunk techies at a bar, but the results show I can't get enough of my kid looking beautiful in the bathtub. (Other puzzling categories: Chapeau, Denims, and Bivouacking — of which I have 13 matches, and all seem to contain a bouncy house. Go figure.)
And yet, what isn't there on my phone is just as telling.
I am not a Dog person. I don't drink enough Beer. I have never worn a Kimono.