Undersexed hubby must earn her love

DEAR ABBY: I'll bet you've gotten a ton of mail about "Mike in Missouri," who was worried about his wife's declining sex drive. While your point about hormone levels is a good one, it could be something simpler than that.

I am a wife who would love to have sex more often, but I'm tired! I work full time and do most of the household chores. I also do most of the cooking.

When my husband heads up to the bedroom at 10 o'clock and gives me that "come hither look," I'm not in the mood for sex. I'm thinking about the two loads of laundry and the sink full of dishes that still need to be done. Or I'm trying to remember whether I signed that permission slip for our daughter and making a mental note about picking up my prescriptions on the way to a client meeting in the morning.

- G. in Dayton, Ohio

DEAR G.: Thank you for sharing. And you're right - readers wasted no time flooding my office with comments on this topic:

DEAR ABBY: After conversations with women of all ages, I have concluded that more often than not, it is the husband who has caused the wife's sex drive to diminish, not hormones or other physical problems.

Ask Mike how he treats his wife on a daily basis; whether he has habits or hygiene that are off-putting; whether he indulges in pornography; whether he has taken care of his health and appearance. After 17 years, is he a good lover?

Many women are as dissatisfied with their sex lives as their complaining husbands are. Anyone who wants to have a satisfying sex partner needs to be one.

- Over 50 and Still Interested

DEAR ABBY: Sex was mind-blowing for me when I felt the most loved by my husband. The way he treats me has changed over the years, and lately I'm so turned off that I can no longer physically respond to him. Often, a woman loses interest in sex because her partner makes her feel like he has lost interest in her.

- Outta Here Soon