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Her folks lied about their wedding date

Because of my mother's age and health, I haven't told her I know the truth.

DEAR ABBY: I recently realized that my parents lied about their wedding date. Because of my mother's age and health, I haven't told her I know the truth. My father passed away several years ago, so his obituary states the date that they always used. When my mother passes, do I state the true date in her obituary or perpetuate the lie?

- Daughter with a Secret

DEAR DAUGHTER: I think you should do whatever you think your mother would want when the time comes. The ages of the offspring are not usually mentioned in a person's obituary, and unless your friends read the wedding date with calculators in hand, I doubt that they will notice the relationship between your age and the nuptials. But if anyone should be so tasteless as to say anything, just smile and say, "Yes, I was a love child."

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend's daughter, "Heather," came to me the other day and told me that a girl at school is having sex with a 36-year-old. Abby, the girl is only 13!

When I told Heather I wanted to tell a counselor, she begged me not to because she's new in the school and doesn't want to be labeled a snitch.

I am torn about what to do. I don't want her mad at me, but I can't just stand back and let this continue to happen. Heather and I are nine years apart, so I don't really come across as a parental figure. I don't know if I should tell her dad or not. Please help.

- Don't Know What to Do

DEAR DON'T KNOW: The girl in question is being raped. The 36-year-old is a predator. What you should do is find out the girl's name and then let her parents know what is going on so they can possibly inform the police. If you can't locate the parents, talk to a counselor at the school, because a counselor is ethically and legally required to report a crime like this.