Hello there
In November 2007, Monica received an e-mail wedding invitation to attend the December nuptials of a friend who lives in Germany. Monica loves Isabel, whom she met in 1999 when both worked at a now-defunct Philadelphia public-relations firm. But her budget was limited, it would be hard to plan a trip to Germany on such short notice, and she had Christmas presents to buy.
When Monica didn't answer within a week, Isabel sent her a long, heartfelt e-mail. Monica had to come to the wedding, she wrote, because Monica was the one who always needled Isabel that she and Matthias, her boyfriend for more than a decade, should make it official and get married. ("I'm the pushy friend," Monica admits.)
Monica put the airfare on her charge card and agreed to be Isabel's witness. At the civil ceremony, she sat next to her friend. And Asmus, the other witness, sat next to his best friend, Matthias.
The following night, after Asmus missed his train, he, Matthias, and Monica went to a brewhouse together. There, Asmus and Monica had their first real conversation - about German potato salad, American currency, and the television show 30 Rock.
Back at Isabel and Matthias' apartment, Asmus couldn't find 30 Rock online - even though he's an IT guy who cofounded Hamburg's Lighthouse Logistics. But his hand found its way to Monica's knee. "I'm just going to look straight forward and ignore it because he lives far away," Monica thought to herself. A native of Philadelphia's Mount Airy neighborhood, she was then working in New York as associate editor for Town & Country magazine.
But then Asmus kissed her, and the ocean didn't matter.
How does forever sound?
Monica and Asmus dated long- distance for nine months.
Traditional dates were out for obvious reasons, but these two got creative. "We had a book club of two," Monica said. "He got the book in German and I got the book in English. We read Dune, Rabbit Run, Metamorphosis, Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison, and Castle Gripsholm by Kurt Tucholsky. We discussed the book once while we were reading it and had a big talk when we were both done."
On nights when neither had work the next day, the two would sip wine and talk on the phone. "I spent last Fourth of July talking to him for seven hours," Monica said.
Love continued to grow as vacation days dwindled: In 2008, she flew to Germany in January, February and June. Asmus flew to New York in March, May and July. On July 25, they had a secret, civil wedding in Brooklyn - not even their families knew - so that Monica could get a German visa. Then, Asmus returned to Hamburg. Two months later, now out of vacation days, Monica moved to Hamburg to be with him.
Although married legally, Monica couldn't wait to have a wedding with friends and family. And she wanted Asmus to formally propose - that declaration was important to her. "I kept nagging him, 'When are we going to get married?' "
Two months after she moved to Germany, the couple spent two days at a fancy hotel in downtown Hamburg. Monica again asked when they would wed.
Asmus had a confession: Every time Monica asked, he pushed off his proposal, because he wanted it to be a surprise. Monica, now a freelance writer, said, "I don't need a surprise. I need to get married."
Right then and there - with both dressed in their pajamas - Asmus told Monica he wanted to share life's good times and bad with only her.
It was so them
Monica, who turned 37 on her wedding day, and Asmus, 38, were married at Schloss Ahrensburg, a 16th-century castle near Hamburg. The guests got a tour before the ceremony. Since their Brooklyn wedding already had made their union official in the eyes of the German government, the couple asked Asmus' brother, Christian, to lead the ceremony.
Monica and Asmus wrote their own vows, which they read in both German and English. He promised to stop answering her every question with another question. She pledged to let him sleep in on weekends. "At our reception, Asmus had a drink and told everyone we had been married already," Monica said. "And he thought I was the weak link!"
Awestruck
Asmus and Monica got ready for their wedding at their apartment, and Monica couldn't help but notice how nervous he was. The couple hoped to get to the castle early, but wound up being the last to arrive. This was not going to help matters, Monica thought. She worried that Asmus would not enjoy his own wedding.
When it was time for the ceremony, each entered the room simultaneously from different doors. "When I saw him at the altar, he just smiled and smiled," Monica said. "It just made everything better, and I thought, 'OK, he's going to enjoy himself.' "
Discretionary spending
A bargain: "Everything was a bargain," Monica said. The couple did their own bilingual invitations. Isabel - the friend whose wedding brought the couple together - is an amateur photographer, and she took the photographs. Monica's visa requires her to take German lessons, and friend and classmate Ricardo played the piano as a wedding gift.
The splurge: The couple paid for all of the out-of-town guests' hotel rooms. They also plan to have a second reception in Philadelphia later this year.
The getaway
Five days in Rome.
Behind the Scenes
Officiant
Christian Michelsen, an older brother of the groom
Venues
Ceremony: Garden Hall at Schloss Ahrensburg in Ahrensburg, Germany, about six miles from Hamburg. Reception: Tio Pepe, a Spanish restaurant in Hamburg
Food
Tio Pepe
Photography
The bride's friend Isabel Flaspöhler
Music
Friend of the bride Ricardo Martínez Reques played the piano during the wedding. The bride created the soundtrack for the reception.
Dress
Macys.com
Invitations
The couple made their own.
Do you have the date?
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