Hello there
Jessie and Patrick met in the late 1990s, when Jessie was doing playback theater, a form of improv based on audience members' stories. Patrick was part of the Philadelphia audience one night, and told his story. A few years later, Patrick became a regular playback participant, and he and Jessie became close friends.
"We had such similar, passionate views and perspective, and energy for social change and community work. . . . " Jessie said.
" . . . and for equality and healing," Patrick said, finishing her thought. "We had a connection with social justice issues."
But as important as their relationship was to Jessie, who is now 59, and Patrick, now 54, it was not a romance. Patrick was struggling to keep his second marriage together. Jessie, newly out of a long-term relationship, identified herself as a lesbian.
Jessie founded the now-defunct Philadelphia Queer Playback in 2000, then, a couple of years later, Playback for Change, which continued to focus on lesbian, gay, and transgender issues, but also explored issues of race, class, ageism, and gender. Patrick entered a seminary.
In 2004, Jessie moved back to Kennett Square, her hometown. A pastor and mutual friend of Jessie and Patrick's was starting a church with a mission to bring together people of different cultural, social, and economic backgrounds. Patrick helped create a church theater group aimed at raising awareness about community issues, including the relationships between African Americans and Hispanic migrant workers and the economic disparity between various Chester County communities. Jessie was brought on to teach the playback technique.
Patrick finished at seminary in October 2005, and the local Episcopal and Lutheran bishops called him to develop an ecumenical mission, reaching out to the area's Hispanic population. Jessie became a mission board member.
In September 2007, Patrick and Jessie lost a close friend, musician Juan Avila, who died of cancer. Juan had been working with Hispanic children at the local library, teaching them music and telling stories in English and Spanish. In the last days of his life, the community outpouring was immense, and Patrick and Jessie, both used to organizing, tended to the family and friends who came to say goodbye. With Juan's guidance, Patrick, Jessie, and Juan's son, Nawi, planned Juan's funeral. It was an emotionally intense experience.
Jessie began to realize there was a romantic element to her feelings for Patrick. She would never pursue someone romantically, that was for sure. But feelings for a man, after all this time? It was perplexing.
She had been married to three men before realizing, in her 30s, that she was attracted to women. "It was a great relief," she said. "I thought, 'I'm a lesbian! No wonder it never worked out!' " She had been single since breaking up with her female partner in 1995. A close friend suggested that maybe she needed to be open to a man or a woman.
Until November 2007, Patrick would not let himself think of Jessie as anything but a friend. His now-ex-wife is a wonderful woman, he said, and he really wanted to make it work. Still, "I had a couple of very close friends who said to me, 'It seems to be very obvious to a lot of people your relationship is not working. You have an amazing relationship with Jessie. You need to ask yourself what you are doing.' "
Patrick started asking himself some tough questions. When he had the answers, he went to Jessie, and told her he had moved out.
By the end of that year, Jessie and Patrick realized they were meant to be together. They had a very long talk. "By the end of that conversation, we had covered every base about what our life together would be like," Jessie said.
She began reaching out to her gay friends. She wanted to prepare them. "I identify as bisexual now," she said.
"This thing with Jessie, this is really a matter of person-to-person," Patrick said. "Gender is secondary."
Said Jessie, "It's about the soul."
How does forever sound?
Patrick never proposed in the traditional sense. "I feel that the proposal was made to both of us, by God," he said. "It was in the air, it was a universal invitation, and we both said yes."
Still, there was planning to do. And waiting for Patrick's divorce to finalize. After that happened, the couple compared busy schedules and chose Halloween, which is Jessie's favorite holiday.
It was so them
The couple married themselves with a self-uniting license. They gathered close to 400 guests in a tent at Willowdale Steeplechase Grounds. The theme: a union of heaven and earth. "Our first dance was not for each other, but for God," Patrick said. "We danced to 'Amazing Grace.' " Many of their guests joined them in the dance, and everybody sang.
In addition to exchanging rings with each other, the couple, who live in Kennett Square, gave rings to Patrick's daughters, Miriam, 28, and Denise, 25.
At one point in the ceremony, a friend played the oboe, and the playback troupe surrounded the couple, creating a flower shape with Patrick and Jessie in the center. Jessie's nine great-nieces and -nephews, all younger than 8, came into the center and tossed rose petals.
The musicians present had a Holy Jam with African drums, percussion, guitars, and singing, all to honor Juan Avila.
At work
While Jessie and Patrick were sorting out their feelings for each other, Jessie was also running for Kennett Square Borough Council. She took office in January 2008. Jessie is also a Reiki master teacher and gives healing workshops. Patrick is attending Chestnut Hill College, where he is earning a certification in spiritual counseling. He is also teaching Bible courses at Esperanza College in North Philadelphia, which is part of Eastern University. On the side, he does custom upholstery work. Together, the couple hope to offer workshops around healing, spirituality, and justice.
Awestruck
The couple had asked people to remain quiet during the ceremony, in the Quaker tradition. "The moment we ended the ceremony, there was an explosion of applause," Patrick said. "It was an explosion of joy."
Discretionary spending
A bargain: Patrick and Jessie, with help from some friends and family, created the table decorations themselves. Jessie's sister, Barbie Vannote, arranged the flowers as a wedding gift. The couple did not pay for a caterer, either: They asked 40 friends to each bring finger food to serve about 20 people.
The splurge: The dance floor. The couple rented about five times the average amount of floor; it cost about $2,400. "That is our commitment to dancing!" Jessie said.
The getaway
"The Sleep Moon" is what Jessie calls their long weekend in the Poconos. "We were exhausted!"
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Behind the Scenes
Venue
Willowdale Steeplechase Grounds, Kennett Square
Food
Friends brought finger food and made chocolate wedding cake.
Photography
Paolo Cardone, White Plains, N.Y., and Italy
Music
The Sin City Band, Scott Birney, West Grove
Dress
An earth-tone long skirt and shirt, with a large concho belt the bride bought 11 years ago
Invitations
The Paper Market, Kennett Square
Florist
Barbara Cocks Vannote of Garden Thyme, West Chester
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