Hello there
Rich and Char met through Match.com in September 2007. They liked each other electronically, so he asked her to dinner. But the first several times they scheduled a date, Rich, who lived in Maple Glen, had to back out. "This guy keeps saying, 'Let's go out to dinner,' but then it was, 'Oh, I have a lecture to do,' or 'I have a game to go to,' " remembered Char, who lived in Media. "I almost deleted him."
Finally, a date that could be kept was set, and Rich sat waiting for Char on the steps of an Old City sushi joint. "She came down Second Street, stared right at me, then walked away," Rich said. He was crushed for 20 seconds, then his cell phone rang. Char hadn't actually seen him - and she couldn't find the restaurant. He gave her directions, they ate sushi, and they talked until the waitstaff kicked them out about 10:30 p.m. Their conversation unfinished, the couple decided to walk to Penn's Landing.
Rich could tell Char was very smart, and she was also very good-looking, he said. This led him to try something he had never done before: go in for a first-date smooch.
"I dodged him," Char said. The date recovered from that little moment, and the two continued walking and talking, until Awkward Moment No. 2.
"She was telling me a story, and I was thinking, 'Wow! This is going really well!' " Rich said. "Then, about 3 1/2 hours in [to the date], she said, 'Excuse me, what is your name again?' My ego immediately imploded."
"It was embarrassing!" Char said. But she decided she had better ask and get it over with because time would only make the situation worse. Rich's name revealed, Char "told a couple of jokes and tried to pretend nothing happened."
Rich took it well. Before he went to sleep that night he sent her an e-mail asking her to go out again.
Char was very pleased to see his e-mail, but she didn't have long-term hopes. "To be honest, I didn't think it would work for me because of the age difference," Char said. Char, who grew up in Hong Kong, is now 28. Rich, an Allentown native, is 48. "I figured I would date him a couple of times, but it would die off eventually," Char said.
"I showed her!" Rich joked. It turns out, she liked Rich more every time she saw him. In fact, as their dates continued, Char began to realize she'd met her match. They are both very "hyper and energetic people," she said. But in other ways, their differences complement each other. Char said she tends to be practical and suspicious of other people at first, while Rich is more childlike and innocent. "We balance each other really well," she said.
Early in their relationship, Char, now a project manager with Globus Medical, had a three-week business trip for a previous employer. Before she left, she gave Rich a bag of homemade cookies - white chocolate chip and oatmeal. Rich, a pulmonary and critical care doctor at Abington Memorial Hospital, will never forget how that made him feel. "In a lot of my relationships, I've given a lot, and at the end thought, 'What have I gotten?' But it was clear very early that Char is a very, very giving person."
How does forever sound?
Another thing that soon became clear: Char likes grand gestures of love. So Rich knew he should come up with something big for the proposal.
In late January 2009, he planned a surprise long weekend trip to Sedona, Ariz. The morning of their second day, Char looked quizzically at her beau's clothing. She could see that Rich, who is always warm, had on two T-shirts, and the first layer had a navy blue collar. "I do all of our laundry, and I had never washed that shirt," she said.
Rich had made arrangements with a tour-by-Jeep company. At one stop, the driver suggested the couple stand near the edge of the canyon so he could take their photo. When they arrived at the scenic spot, Rich took off his outer T-shirt, revealing the blue one underneath that asked, "Will you marry me?" He got down on one knee.
"I said to myself, 'This guy is so silly!' I loved it, and I said yes," Char said.
Two weeks later in Philadelphia, there was another surprise. The couple had a Valentine's Day appointment to look at a potential wedding venue. They were traveling north on I-95, near the South Philadelphia stadiums, when Rich told Char he needed to pull over to answer his vibrating cell phone.
As Rich faked a work-related conversation, Char looked up at the electronic billboard that loomed in front of them. "Just for half a second, I thought I saw my own image," she said. "Then it was for Wawa, and then the most wanted man. And then it went through another cycle, and I realized it was actually us."
The billboard bore a giant photo of the couple, and the words, "She said yes!"
"It was the best gift I could ever have in the whole wide world," she said. "I just felt he's trying everything to please me. He put me first, he loved and understood me."
It was so them
The couple, who live in Maple Glen, held the ceremony and reception at the Ritz-Carlton in Philadelphia. Char, who was raised Catholic, had converted to Judaism, and the two were united before 140 guests in a Jewish ceremony.
But it was important to both Rich and Char that Char's heritage also be honored on their wedding day. So in the hours before they stood beneath the chuppah, the couple and their families performed a Chinese tea ceremony, the traditional way couples are married in that culture.
Char had never witnessed the tea ceremony at a wedding - it was Rich who suggested they do it - so she called her mother, Yukmui, and her aunt, Yuklan, to learn what to do.
On their wedding day, Char was in a suite - symbolic of the bride's home - with her mother, her brother Joseph, her sister Carol, and her bridesmaids. Her father, Benjamin, had passed away in 2006. That morning, Rich and his groomsmen left another room - his symbolic home - and knocked on the door to the suite. They were greeted by the bridesmaids, who would not let Rich see Char or her family until they completed special feats to show Rich's worthiness.
Proving their friendship to Rich, the groomsmen agreed to take on the bulk of the assignments: They drank vinegar and soy sauce. They performed yoga poses. They ate gobs of a notoriously stinky fruit called a durian. The last challenge was all Rich's, though. He was already wearing the traditional ma gua - a red silk robe with a gold vest. To this, a blindfold was added, and Rich was told to put lipstick on the groomsmen.
Finally, Char, wearing a red and gold silk jacket and long skirt called a qun kwa, entered the room with her mother. The couple then served tea to her mother, her aunt, her aunt's boyfriend and her Uncle Sopui, her late father's brother. The couple then went to the room where the groom's family was, and served tea to his mother, Barbara; his father, Jerry; and his stepmother, Bette.
For the Jewish ceremony, the couple wore American-style wedding clothes: A white dress and a tux. Rabbi Gregory Marx spoke a lot about tea. "He said that just as tea cannot be prepared instantly, but takes time, we must be patient with each other," Rich said.
This didn't happen at rehearsal
At the end of a Jewish ceremony, the groom stomps on a glass to symbolize that what has been done cannot be undone. One of Rich's patients gave him a glass egg to use instead, so the ceremony glass could be kept as a keepsake. Rich stomped on it, and the egg came shooting out. Twice. Finally, best man Robert Kaufmann knelt down and used his right hand to hold the egg in place - a brave move for a hand surgeon.
Awestruck
To Rich, the most meaningful moment of the day was when Char walked out in her red wedding suit. It felt as if Char was bringing him into her culture, Rich said.
Char said she had an amazing feeling when she changed into her ivory silk gown. "I just realized that this moment has arrived, and we're getting married," she said.
Discretionary spending
A bargain: Char's veil. She found one at Priscilla's of Boston, originally $900, but on sale for $125.
The splurge: Holding the rehearsal dinner at R2L at Liberty Place. They walked into the space on the 37th floor and were dazzled by the view of the city. At that point, "It didn't matter what it cost," said Rich.
The getaway
Their planned 11-day stay in Tahiti, Bora Bora, and Morai was extended by a few days thanks to an airport firefighter strike.
Behind the Scenes
Officiant
Rabbi Gregory Marx, Congregation Beth Or, Maple Glen
Venue
The Ritz-Carlton Philadelphia, Philadelphia
Catering
The Ritz-Carlton
Photography
Douglas Benedict of Douglas Benedict Photography, Bethlehem
Videography
Video One Productions, Havertown
Music
CTO 5th Avenue, Radnor
Dress
Monique Lhuillier, Kleinfeld, New York
Flowers
Affairs to Be Remembered, Broomall
Invitations
Papery of Philadelphia, PhiladelphiaEndText
Do You Have the Date?
Tell us in a short e-mail – at least six weeks before your ceremony – why we should feature your love story. Send it to weddings@phillynews.com. Unfortunately, we can't personally respond to all submissions. If your story is chosen, you will be contacted in the weeks before your wedding.
EndText