Commentary
What does a moose have to do with Philadelphia?
They don't even have one at the Zoo.
And yet Phil E. Moose is one of three ideas the new Sixers owners are offering fans for a new mascot.
The other two go the obvious Ben Franklin route with Big Ben and B. Franklin Dogg.
You can vote online at sixers.com for any of the three.
But not for: "None of the above" or "How are these better than Hip Hop?"
This is the best they could do?
When the new hockey franchise pondered nicknames, they asked the fans for suggestions, before choosing Flyers.
Why no such brainstorming this time?
Herewith, with hardly any effort to think at all are some alternatives:
The Valley Forger. He's a blacksmith with a hammer like Thor - and part-time counterfeiter.
Buttsy Ross. Big-horned goat who bumps into players who don't bust it.
Scars and Stripes. Big wounded tiger. Grrr.
Duck Laration. He quacks for independence with his Bill of Rights (and looks nothing like an amphibious vehicle).
Billy Pennguin! Come on! Cute! Wholesome! Philly! Dresses like a Quaker.
The Mummy-er. Bandage-covered banjo player makes big entrance from a coffin.
Mobster Lobster. Has a little sidekick called Crab Fries.
Flagrant Fowl. Think Big Bird with attitude. Or a wild turkey - Ben Franklin's pick for the national bird.
Zom B. Franklin. He got torched flying a kite, and now he's the living dead.
Crocky! He's an crocodile with boxing gloves! Strike up the movie theme music, and invite Stallone to a sparring match!
And that's skipping pretzels, cheesesteaks, Fighting Filly, a rooster called John Han Cock, and Manute Bol Weevil.
OK, some of the above are as dubious as Phil E. Moose. And we'll admit that how entertaining the actor is may matter more than the name or costume.
But, seriously, Sixers, no need for a fast break here.
Take your time. Ask the fans.
Or at least put Billy Penguin and Crocky up against whoever wins your poll.