The Eagles can't even win the championship of weight loss.
On Tuesday night's Biggest Loser finale, live on NBC, former offensive lineman Antone Davis pushed his blubber burnoff to a whopping 202 pounds.
If current receiver Jeremy Maclin lost even 198 pounds, he'd weigh nothing. Eleven teammates would vanish even sooner.
But Arizona special ed teacher John Rhode shed 220 pounds, and a greater percentage of weight, to snag the show's $250,000 top prize.
Finishing third was Ramone Medeiros, a Colorado tattoo artist, who lost 154 pounds.
Davis, who tearfully weighed in at 447 pounds in week one, wound up at 245 pounds - more than 80 pounds below his weight while playing for the Eagles from 1991 to 1995, before heading to Atlanta.
In the early weeks, he broke down during workouts, angrily slapping around fitness equipment, falling to the ground and sobbing.
But as he lost weight, his attitude turned around, into a kind of feisty cheerfulness.
Last week, a clip showed several adoring kids and a supportive wife, apparently at home in Tennessee, as they watched a video reminder he made for himself:
"Antone," he said, "remember how scary it is to know that death could be right around the corner. Your kids need you. Your wife needs you. No matter what comes at you, do not ever, ever, ever let yourself go back to this."
"I give you my word Daddy will never look like that again," he told a crying daughter.
Viewers could find out next Thanksgiving, on one of the Loser's annual check-back specials.
For more, go to www.nbc.com/the-biggest-loser.