Thanksgiving traditions are evolving for many families

In the Henry and Tini families, Thanksgiving tradition has been upended by an "I do."

Kristen Henry Tini and her husband of two years, Joey, will no longer run to her parents' house in Berwyn for Thanksgiving, the early edition, and then dash to his parents in South Philly for Thanksgiving, late night.

This year, the Tinis will host both sides of the family at their East Passyunk Crossing rowhouse. The couple will start a new family tradition that ends their parents' Thanksgiving customs but borrows from both sides.

"We're giving up Thanksgiving," Dean Henry, Kristen Tini's father, said wistfully. "It's a milestone."

As families grow and evolve, holiday traditions like those associated with Thanksgiving change with them, said Ione D. Vargus, founder of the Family Reunion Institute at Temple University and a former dean at the school.

Weddings, divorces, family mobility, and death can shake the conventions of a day synonymous with tradition.

"It's all about the power of memory," said psychologist April Westfall, senior therapist at the Council for Relationships, a Philadelphia nonprofit. "You want the same foods that have been prepared. You want the people you knew and loved to be there."

When changes occur, families often are forced to let go of customs that have become meaningful, Westfall said. But what develops in their place "may be new and interesting," Westfall said.

The Tini family is starting a Thankful Tree tradition. On the buffet are tree branches in a planter.

"We want people to reflect on what they're thankful for, write in on a leaf [made of construction paper], and we'll hang it on the tree," said Kristen Tini, 29.

Like the Tinis, Jennifer and P.J. Kent of Media have been splitting their time between both sides of the family on Thanksgivings.

But when Jennifer Kent met her future husband, she was stunned by his family's Thanksgiving tradition. They dined at a country club.

"I thought, 'You don't have Thanksgiving at home?" recalled Kent, 37, whose mother had been hosting a family dinner for decades.

So Kent joined her husband at the country club while also dashing to spend part of the day with her family.

There were changes there, too. Kent's grandfather died, her grandmother became ill, and Thanksgiving was moved to her grandmother's bungalow. The dinner went from her mother's homemade feast to family potluck.

"When the changes first started, it was a little unsettling," Kent said, "but now that I'm older and have a child of my own, I just kind of roll with the punches."

She has adopted the kind of flexibility that Westfall recommends when dealing with holiday transitions. It is a kind of resiliency that military families live by on holidays - and all year.

Playing it by ear has become the foremost tradition in the Hopper family's Thanksgivings. Christina Hopper, 30, has been married for six years. Husband Capt. Trevor Hopper, 32, has been away for three Thanksgivings. He will fly to Kuwait on Thursday.

"It's bittersweet. I would love for us to have more family traditions," said Christina Hopper, who lives in East Earl, Lancaster County, and grew up in Cochranville. "But my husband is doing a greater good for the country."

Katie Holohan's husband is already overseas, serving as a medic in Afghanistan. Holohan, who lives in Aberdeen, Md., and grew up in Cinnaminson, has also learned to adapt.

"The tradition thing is always in the back of your mind," said Holohan, 24, who has moved three times since marrying Army Sgt. David Holohan, 27, in 2008.

This year, Holohan and her three sons will spend the holiday with her parents in South Jersey in what may be a re-creation of traditions she grew up with.

But the days of recapturing the past are likely gone for Donna Covington, 70, for whom the transitions inherent in a long life have forever changed the holidays. Many family members have died or moved away.

Covington, of Norwood, once hosted a dinner for 30. Now she cooks for three.

"The change is sad," Covington said. "But I still love the holidays."

The Tinis will take their first stab at creating a warm holiday feeling Thursday.

Joey's parents, Enrico and Carol, will supply the sausage stuffing. Kristen's parents, Dean and Karen, will bring the baked macaroni and cheese.

"It will be bittersweet. I have great memories of Thanksgiving growing up with my grandparents there," Kristen Tini said. "But I'm also really excited about a new chapter and bringing the family together."