Annette John-Hall | On the down-low - but not gay

As Larry Craig ponders his next move - hopefully, not in a public bathroom - I thought I'd check in with my friend, Francis.

Craig, the errant Idaho senator, plays footsie with some undercover police officer in a men's bathroom and suddenly everybody's a toe-tapping expert on man-on-man pickup techniques in public spaces.

Knowing all too well how stereotyping works - you know, black man robs a bank, all black men rob banks - I'm guessing that, next to Craig's family, the gay community is taking the biggest hit for his tawdry behavior. He must be gay, and isn't that what gay men do?

Most gay folks I know don't proposition strangers in bathrooms. Not like all those pundit lawyers turned cultural authorities would have you believe. But Francis would know.

My friend, Francis Saba, is a living stereotype - he's a gay hairdresser. Because of that, people presume the worst about him. Is that a blow dryer in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

But truth is, Francis and his partner, Victor Rivera, have been legally bound for 26 years. On their 20th anniversary, they wed for real in Vermont.

"We have an Ozzie and Harriet marriage," Francis gushes.

Francis, hardly a shrinking violet, was more than eager to set the record, uh, straight.

He affirms that anonymous hookups do go on in men's rooms ("usually at truck stops"), in bookstores ("not Borders"), at the movies ("not at the cineplex, but in those booths where you put the quarters in slot"). Hmm, I always thought those were heterosexual dens.

There are a certain set of hand-and-foot gestures that are known to people who engage. But Francis is quick to say that the conduct is not prevalent.

Just another misconception to deflect.

"For years we've been trying to make people understand that priests having sex with children is not gay behavior. It's not straight behavior, either. It's the behavior of a pedophile," Francis says. "The behavior in the bathrooms is not gay behavior. It's down-low behavior."

Uh-oh. There it is again. The DL. Jim McGreevey, come on down.

Funny how "down-low" is always used to describe same-sex conduct among black men who claim not to be gay. Hardly ever used to describe closeted, white men like the former New Jersey governor.

Even the undercover police officer Craig solicited seemed confused.

"I expect this from the guy that we get out of the 'hood," he said during the interrogation. We can't win.

I have to admit, though, that Craig has got us questioning our every move in the bathroom. Should I wash my hands with my palms up or my palms down? If I drop something, do I dare I pick it up? And let's not even talk about the stance.

Oh, the confusion of it all. As Craig himself would say, "Jiminy!"

And it gets even more bizarre. This week, we learn that Craig is scheduled to appear in court Sept. 26 to plead his case for withdrawing his guilty plea for lewd conduct in a Minneapolis airport bathroom. Apparently having powerful maverick Sen. Arlen Specter (R., Pa.) in your corner is enough for Craig to make one last-ditch effort to save his political career.

But Specter can't stop the late-night jokesters, not to mention the blogging pundits who have been quick to point out the hypocrisy of Craig's actions.

Here you've got a married, conservative Republican who has voted against every gay-friendly piece of legislation during his 28 years in Congress, and he's out trolling.

Francis has a theory. He says that, in Craig's mind, "vitriol towards gays is legitimate because he hates the gay part of him. If he can make gay go away, he won't feel like this anymore."

Craig's risking anonymous sexual encounters also jibes with his twisted logic, Francis adds. Having a real relationship would "be an acknowledgment of what he's doing."

But who better to lead him down the path to righteousness than out-and-proud Gay American seminary student Jim McGreevey, not exactly a favorite among his gay brethren.

"I can only pray that Larry Craig and his loving family come to peace with his truth, whatever that may be," McGreevey wrote in a published letter of support. He also noted that Craig "did not have a lover on the payroll, as I did; nor did he engage in sexual relations for money or use his office for unethical or professional or personal gain."

Makes me want to wash my hands.