Return of a pageant wildly Miss'd

ATLANTIC CITY - It is dusk on a recent Friday night, and upstairs in Boardwalk Hall, a light is on.

Inside, the talk is of the coming pageant, and the legendary runway.

After five years in storage, will it hold up? "Will the runway support 20-some people, including Chunky Marinara?" asks Robert Hitchen, a.k.a. Sandy Beach, director of the Miss'd America Pageant, the beloved drag-queen extravaganza making a triumphant return tonight in Atlantic City after a five-year absence. "I've got two 300-pounders in swimwear."

Miss America never had such problems. But never mind that almost-forgotten scholarship pageant, which crowned Miss Virginia Caressa Cameron last night in Las Vegas, the city to which the Atlantic City fixture fled in 2006 after 84 years on the Boardwalk.

Miss'd America, which began in 1993 as a day-after spoof and AIDS fund-raiser on the deck of a gay nightclub on New York Avenue, is now the toast of this ever-inventive and resilient town.

"Can we do smoke on the runway?" asked Rich Helfant, the show's executive producer. This year's event, hosted by Carson Kressley, is called This ISN'T It, a play on the title of the Michael Jackson tour.

"I'd rather they not," Hitchen said. "We've got boys in heels, and if it gets slippery - I just don't want anybody getting hurt. They can get hurt after the crowning."

For Hitchen, whose great-grandfather Anthony Ruffu was mayor when the city dedicated the hall in 1929, the reappearance of Miss'd America in the historic home of Miss America - "a location fit for a queen," as the Atlantic City Convention and Visitors Authority (ACCVA) is calling it - is overwhelming.

"I'm still in shock," Hitchen said last week, overseeing the lighting and 42-foot runway - yes, the actual Miss A runway, dusted off - being loaded into the 2,200-seat Adrian Phillips Ballroom. Nearly 1,000 tickets have been sold, including all the $100 VIP seats.

Past Miss'd Americas were equally stunned. "It absolutely blew me away," said Mortimer Spreng, who won in 1995 with a tour de force "When a Man Loves a Woman," in which he knocked out all the runway lights with his mike stand, creating his own fireworks and possibly scaring the judges into giving him the crown. "I never in my wildest dreams thought we would be in the same building where Miss America was, our little spoof of a pageant."

In 2005, Hitchen had an entire Miss'd A show - A Fiddler on the Hoof - that was never performed, so bereft and anchorless was everyone in the wake of Miss A's departure. (It included a spoof of "Anatevka" in which the queens sing, "Atlantic City, Atlantic City, used to be, used to be, very pretty.")

It seemed that the concept - a raucous, martini-fueled spoof attended by gay and straight alike, including many who showed up at other, less-flamboyant galas around town (1998 Miss America Kate Shindle came after winning the crown) - was doomed. The pageant had left town. Studio Six, the gay nightclub owned by Miss'd A founders Gary Hill and John Schultz, closed. Miss'd America had lost its raison d'être.

But five years later, with the sting from Miss A's fading, the idea of staging Miss'd America in Boardwalk Hall was immediately embraced by the city, by its tourism apparatus, and by casinos - Harrah's and Trump Entertainment are sponsors, with Grey Goose vodka. In the last year, with gambling dollars in epic decline, marketing to the gay community has become a priority in a town with a historically vibrant gay culture.

Alas, former Pennsylvania Sen. Vincent J. Fumo, a past judge, was unavailable, locked away in federal prison. Former Gov. Jim McGreevey declined an invitation to judge. Among the judges are Village Voice writer Michael Musto, Philadelphia Gay News editor Mark Siegel, and horsewoman Annika Bruggeworth. Though the show has a script, the contestants are actually judged - on evening wear, talent, and an onstage question. Boardwalk Hall was a perfect venue, not only for obvious sentimental reasons, but also because it opened up sponsorship to more than one casino. "We're like Switzerland," said ACCVA marketer Larry Sieg, "neutral territory."

The contestants - Dareena Ho, Michelle DuPree, Dee LaMour, Crystal Tee Electra, Salotta Tee, Vanessa Sterling, and Lady LaBelle - have chained their seamstresses to their sewing machines, refitted their swimsuits, and prepared their ample talent for the task of succeeding Andrea LaMour, who, with the five-year hiatus, has become the longest-reigning Miss'd America. "That's an old queen, no pun intended," said Sal Aurellio, a.k.a. Salotta Tee, a DJ and physical therapist who appeared on American Idol from the Philly auditions. Tee, winless in six tries, is re-creating Shrek's fairy godmother for talent and has a leopard pullover for a swimsuit to spare a full reveal.

Vanessa Sterling, a.k.a. Center City human-resources manager Brian Pollock, said he had cleaned up his comedy in deference to the pageant's going mainstream. He's one of several Philly contestants favored to win the crown, despite the determination of A.C.-area girls Dareena Ho (Darren DiFillippo, who warns, "This year, I'm doing bigger breasts, hips, I'm going all out for this") and Lady LaBelle (Julio Mangual) to bring the tiara back home.

Wild cards are Tavern on Camac bartender Tommy McNamee, a.k.a. Crystal Tee Electra, who at 5-foot-7 and 130 pounds cuts a competitive silhouette. Michelle DuPree, a.k.a. nurse Scott Cooper, is a past Miss Continental, a big Chicago pageant. Alas, the return of Miss'd A did not include a parade (there are pre- and post-parties at Trump Plaza and Caesars). But there are murmurings about next year's possible return to the Boardwalk for the beleaguered Miss America - whose contract with Planet Hollywood and TLC is up this year.

The Miss America Organization, with headquarters just outside Atlantic City, declined to comment. The group's contact with Miss'd A was through its attorney, who objected to the use of a crown that looked too much like the real thing. While most would welcome back Miss A - if only for the parade - Mr. Moneybags is no longer on the board. "I'm not prepared to put up the financial support we gave them before they left," said ACCVA head Jeff Vasser. "That money has been absorbed into other things."

In the Miss'd pageant, everyone has the same platform: AIDS funding. Proceeds from the show - more than $230,000 in the past - will be split among several groups, including the William Way Center in Philadelphia and the South Jersey AIDS Alliance. While Vegas is busy with Miss America, historic Boardwalk Hall has its arms full, too, including indoor auto racing Friday and yesterday. "Midget cars and drag queens," as hall marketer Valarie McGonigal put it. "We put the E in eclectic."

Almost enough activity to make people forget about the real pageant, if they haven't already. "I get tickled when I tell people, 'You have to buy the tickets from Ticketmaster,' " said Spreng, who will be his lovely Audrey Hepburnesque self in this year's show, his mom in the audience. "I laugh when I say that because it's like a real thing."