JACK STOLLSTEIMER. Ever heard of him? We certainly have. Repeatedly.

No, it's not a household name, but Stollsteimer, you might recall, is the former safe-schools advocate for the Philadelphia School District. He previously served as an assistant district attorney in Delaware County and as an assistant U.S. attorney.

Nice fella, but boy, does he have commitment issues.

That's what we at Clout call it when someone is always in the mix to run for public office but is never actually running.

We've been hearing Stollsteimer's name as a potential candidate for about a decade now. In 2007, for example, Delco Democrats tried to recruit him to run for district attorney. In 2011, Washington Democrats approached him about running for the Seventh District congressional seat.

"He has considered running or has been asked to run for Congress and district attorney repeatedly over the last 10 years or so, and every time it's the same thing: a half-commitment," said a party source.

But wait! Stollsteimer announced in August that he was seeking the Democratic nomination to replace state Attorney General Kathleen Kane, who is . . . well, we don't want to get into all that. But on Wednesday, it happened again. Stollsteimer changed his mind. He dropped out of the A.G.'s race and is backing Montgomery County Commissioner Josh Shapiro.

"At this point, it just wasn't my year," Stollsteimer told the Inquirer's Jessica Parks.

Jack, it's never going to be your year, man, unless you get in the game!

While you've been thinking about running for office, we've changed jobs; we've moved to a new town, then another; schoolchildren have become men and women and graduated from college and gotten married and are starting families of their own.

And there's no shame in failing, either. To quote Samuel Beckett's Worstward Ho: "Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better."

Fun fact: Swiss tennis superstar Stan "the Man" Wawrinka, a.k.a. "Stanimal," got that Beckett quote tattooed on his left forearm. Next thing you know, he's Australian Open champion.

Lesson: You could be the champion, Jack. Just don't be afraid to fail. And consider getting a bad-ass tattoo. Maybe, like, a snake wrapped around a Democratic donkey that's kicking a GOP elephant. With lightning bolts all over the place.

Something like that.

Nice doggie bag, Domb

Last week we had a little fun with freshman Councilman Allan Domb, who cheated death by surviving a high-speed hoverboard wipeout on the third floor of City Hall and unwittingly became the poster boy for Council's new hoverboard legislation.

But big ups to Domb for celebrating his dog's birthday by feeding her a mouthwatering steak.

"The big news tonight is the celebration of Zoe's 14th birthday which she celebrates with a 12 ounce filet from Barclay Prime!" Domb posted on Facebook, with a photo of Zoe chomping down on a big ol' hunk of red meat.


Even better: The Condo King skipped the 8-ounce filet ($43) and sprung for the best for Zoe with the 12-ouncer ($53). For her 15th birthday, may we suggest Barclay Prime's 18-ounce Japanese Wagyu A5 rib-eye?

It's $195, but probably worth it. Not that we've ever had it. Sadly.

Ori 2 Dope?

We admit it: Sometimes Clout gets a little nostalgic for things that were once a lot of fun, like going to Blockbuster Video on a Friday night (new releases, baby!), or following the unhinged insanity that was the 2015 primary race between City Councilman Kenyatta Johnson and gun-toting developer Ori Feibush.

Sure, it got tense at times (the race, not Blockbuster), but we all had some laughs over the weirder moments, like the pro-Kenyatta flier that was distributed to voters showing a shirtless Ori relaxing in what appeared to be a hot tub.

Johnson won the race, and another term in City Hall, but Feibush is still apparently the focus of neighborhood angst. The Twitter account "Kenyatta vs Ori" (@KJOvsOFE) last week posted photos of a new anti-Ori flier that was being circulated in Point Breeze.

"ORI & DEVELOPER'S POSSE PLAN TO WIPE U OUT!" the flier read, referencing a proposed condo project. A photo of a clothed Feibush was attached, with the caption: " 'CITY COUNCIL' SOAR LOSER.' "

The Twitter account also shared a photo of Feibush's face photoshopped onto what appeared to be the shirtless torso of Russian President Vladimir Putin, which was further photoshopped onto a bald eagle.

Another had Feibush's head photoshopped on the body of Insane Clown Posse member Shaggy 2 Dope, hanging with comember Violent J.

There's no indication that Johnson is to blame for any of this really, really strange Feibush-phobia. We're not sure where this is headed next. Feibush photoshopped on the moon with Neil Armstrong, maybe? But we appreciate the trip down memory lane all the same.

- Staff writers William Bender, David Gambacorta, and Julia Terruso contributed to this article.


215-854-5255 " @wbender99