Phyllis F. Hirsh York, 74, cofounded ToughLove

Phyllis F. Hirsh York, 74, formerly of Doylestown, a family therapist who cofounded the self-help program for parents called ToughLove, died of respiratory failure Wednesday, March 14, at a daughter's home in Northeast Philadelphia.

In the 1970s, Mrs. York and her husband, David, developed ToughLove, based on their experiences dealing with their own out-of-control teenagers.

"The essence of our philosophy is that parents must 'take a stand' with their children," David York said in a 1980 interview in the Inquirer Magazine. "Parents need to be executives in charge of their homes. They must stop protecting their children, stop defending their behavior, stop finding excuses for them."

In a later interview, Phyllis York counseled parents: "When you say no, mean it. When adolescents begin acting responsibly, parents can again give tender, loving care."

ToughLove became an international movement popularized by the Yorks' books and manuals, interviews on Phil Donahue and other television and radio programs, an Ann Landers column, magazine and newspaper articles, and a 1985 TV movie starring Lee Remick and Bruce Dern.

The Yorks opened an office in Doylestown and had a busy schedule, speaking to parent groups all over the country.

In October 1983, Mrs. York fell on the stairs in her home and was paralyzed, with no sensation below her armpits. After five months of treatment and therapy, she went home in a wheelchair.

In a 1987 interview in the Inquirer Magazine, she said the first months were the most difficult, with a nurse, two of her daughters, and her husband caring for her.

Gradually, her upper-body strength and balance improved. She was able to return to work, accompanying her husband to ToughLove workshops and seminars. She told The Inquirer that she found she still had her flair with audiences, that she could still role-play sticky situations between parents and children, husband and wife, and that she could still make crowds laugh and cry.

In 1989, she and her husband wrote Getting Strong in All the Hurting Places, about their experience coping with her condition.

The couple retired in 2005. David York died of Alzheimer's disease in 2007.

A talented artist, Mrs. York exhibited her abstract paintings at local shows. She enjoyed reading, movies, and travel.

"Often you could find her playing board games like Scrabble with her grandchildren, drawing or reading," her daughters wrote in a tribute. "She was kind, caring and supportive, and loved to help others in need. You could always depend on her to listen and give well- thought-out advice."

A native of New York City, Mrs. York was 17 when she met her husband at a fraternity party. He was then a student at New York University. They married in 1956 and, four years later, moved to Vermont. She earned a bachelor's degree in art and psychology at Goddard College, where he taught biology. They later lived in California and the Virgin Islands.

In 1972, they moved to Lansdale and joined the staff of Eagleville Hospital for patients with substance-abuse problems. He ran the outpatient clinic; she was a therapist.

They worked with Today Inc., a rehabilitation center in Bucks County, before founding ToughLove in 1979.

Mrs. York is survived by daughters Ilene Kretsch, Heidi Turner, Gwen Simpson, and Jodi York; 11 grandchildren; and four great-grandchildren.

Services were private.