'American Idol' chat: A pageanty season

Good afternoon, Philadelphians and all the ships at sea. I am joined by Inquirer writer Amy Rosenberg for this, the season's final Idol chat. Can you believe it's over, Amy? How are you liking our new champion, Jordin Sparks?

I can believe it's over David and for that, I think a nation is grateful. Was a lot of torture for not that much payoff, really. Last night was like a cross between the Oscars and Miss Teen USA. I felt kind of blah about it at the end. Jordin seems too young and bland to be the winner. “I love you Nana and Poppa!” Give me a break.

I feel oddly letdown, too. Even though I was pulling for Jordin for the last month or so, I was disappointed when she finally won. I thought they might bring a surprise winner out from the wings. Lord knows, they brought everyone else out on stage. What a spectacle.

Yea, talk about let downs. During the Beatles medley, as one idol introduced the next, I was totally faked out, I was thinking Sir Paul himself was going to show up…Silly me. Was also faked out for an instant when Ryan introduced Ruben Studdard as “Ruuuuu”. The Jersey girl in me heard “Bruuuuu” but I’m over it.

What was strange to me was the pecking order of the returning Idols: Kelly and Carrie, big stars. But Ruben and Taylor had the stench of failure clinging to them. I'm afraid Jordin will join that category.

I was glad to see Ruben actually. I thought he brought a nice pinstriped teddy bear vibe to the proceedings. Taylor was a disaster, sorry to say. And when he brought out his harmonica, you knew Blake was history, another guy with a gimmick. Carrie Underwood, on the other hand, was sublime, I thought. Her "I'll Stand By You" almost brought the entire show to a stop, I thought. People looked stunned. How about Blake and Doug E. Fresh?

bette midler's performance was awful

Hah. Bette Midler was downright pitchy, Julie! I couldn't believe that. My girls were asking me, who is that? Why is she there? I couldn't explain. Was weird. What do you think, Hilty? What was up with Bette?

Had to be an inner ear problem. There's no way you could be that off-key so consistently. The performance I liked was Green Day singing John Lennon's "Working Class Hero". Typical of Idol; they bleeped out the lyrics that make it such a great song.

I thought that was great, but was shocked to see Billie Joe Armstrong with no eye makeup. Was like his way of distancing himself from the show, even as he exploits it, kind of like last year when Prince floated away or whatever he did.

My question: When the Idols appear en masse, why do they always dress them in white?

Because they are so friggin' angelic? The six boys were the worst boy band ever, torturous falsetto. Hey I have some breaking Sanjaya news, Hilty. Just heard from Jaime Marland, a spokeswoman at the Rhode Island School of Design, and she tells me that there is no student named Bill Vendell, who was supposed to be the altar ego that created Sanjaya as an art installation, or so he claims in a video. Still, the mystery continues.

Yeah, I saw that on TMZ. Sounded like Sanjy, but it was too suspicious he kept the sunglasses on the whole video. Who does he think he is, Bo Bice?

The real Sanjaya takes his 15 minutes way more seriously than that. But the video had a good quote, that Sanjaya was all about "the self-referencing nature of progressive evolution." Though I might not have used the word "progressive." How did you like Sanjy's duet last night?

Duet? I thought Sanjaya's rocker number was funny. They turned the wind machines on to blow his hair, and he couldn't keep his eyes open. And when did Joe Perry get appointed Idol's designated guitarist? I liked Kelly Clarkson with Jeff Beck much better a few weeks ago.

Ah yes, the wind. I blocked that out. Kelly Clarkson, btw, looked amazing last night and I retract any previous imprudent statements to the contrary. But it was Carrie Underwood who had the glow of superstardom around her.. She didn't thank Simon Cowell though, she's forgotten that he was always in her court from the start of that season and he was right...Let's not forget to dwell on the moment when Ryan got crushed by the Big Bird Lady. I don't think he enjoyed that.

I assumed Simon bribed her to do that to Ryan. Payback for LaKisha.

It also weirdly foreshadowed the moment when Jordin nearly crushed Blake after she won. That whole bring back the weirdos thing is awful.

Great picture of the bush baby though on the big screen. Paula was oddly mute last night. So any thoughts on the season overall as we look back one last time?

Well, I found myself wishing LaKisha had won last night. She looked great on stage and would have made a great Idol. Melinda sounded great with the Winans, but they shouldn't allow seasoned professionals into the game. All in all, the show is too full of itself and has been hacked into by too many people. I would go back to basics. Lose the mentoring, give the contestants more freedom. Encourage some originality. I still liked Blake, but he seemed awfully out of place on stage with a real beat boxer last night. How about you? Will you ever watch again?

I agree with you. I had high hopes as the season began. Remember when they asked Chris Sligh why he wanted to be an Idol and he said "I want to make David Hasselhof cry"? And there was Sundance and all these rather eccentric characters I found refreshing. But then it all went through the big Idol cookie cutter and they were forced to sing these hopelessly ancient songs and by the time it was over, we had Jordin. As I said on my blog, she's just Kimberley Locke (from season two) with overactive tear glands. I'm burned out on Idol now, but by next January, I'll probably be back. But I wish they'd dump Paula and Randy and Ryan and let Simon be Simon instead of trying to muzzle him.

Apparently Blake has a whole other arrangement of the Maroon 5 song he sang for the finale, but he was only given 2 minutes and decided it wasn't worth it. So even he had stopped trying to be original by the end. I'd never break up the dynamic trio of judges, but I think it really is time for Ryan to go. He may be responsible for that bloated feeling the show has and he has been chief muzzler this season. It's time, and we've been saying this for years, Hiltbrand, to bring back the DunkleMan.

I have to say I was pretty glad Blake didn't win because you could see his big bearish dad was poised to bumrush the stage. I'd like to see Justin Guarini replace Ryan. He looked ready to bum rush the stage last night too.

And what was he whispering to Jordin about anyway. That was annoying. Guarini looked pretty happy last night, as did Constantine, but I don't think I could take any more of either of them in this lifetime. Chris Sligh would be a great host. But really, anybody but Ryan. It's so old, his whole thing. And boring. They have to do something though. They used to put Miss America to shame, now they've turned into Miss America.

That was the word I will take away from this season, when Simon termed a performance as "pageanty". Thank you for your insights and help this season, Amy. You may now go play with your kids.

Thanks Hilty, it's been more than fun...