Michael Smerconish: A PROPHET WITHOUT HONOR

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TTENTION: Don't start this column unless you promise to read it to the end.

This disclaimer results from what occurred last week. Never before have I gotten so many hatriolic e-mails from so many knuckleheads representing such different perspectives, all of whom completely missed my point. So, this week, I'm writing more slowly, so they can follow along, lest there be further misunderstanding.

Watching from my Barcalounger as Tom Cruise was bloodied by biographer Andrew Morton and pollsters found that many Americans wouldn't support a Mormon for president, I decided to defend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and Scientology.

My mistake? I used satire.

I addressed Scientology and Mormonism from the perspective of skeptics and nonbelievers. I justified my "superior" knowledge by poking fun at my own faith, Catholicism, which I acknowledged can seem pretty incredible itself.

My intent was to point out that every religious system contains at least some beliefs that will inevitably seem outrageous to nonbelievers. And to shrug off a substantive candidate like Mitt Romney, or serious actor like Tom Cruise, based on those beliefs is wrong.

Apparently, no one liked what I had to say.

Many Catholics were horrified for their faith to be compared to "cults" like Scientology or Mormonism - and to be put in such a position by a professed Catholic only infuriated them more.

"To actually argue your point comparing Christianity to Scientology was insulting, and adding further insult, to allegorize Our Lady's virgin birth to Scientology's alien invasion, how dare you. Catholicism/Christianity is not a cult," one reader wrote.

Nor were the Mormons

pleased with the way I defended their beliefs. Especially those who I suspect didn't bother to read the second half of the column - the part that so thoroughly infuriated Catholics.

Here's how one e-mail explained things: "You state you are a Christian as if it is the badge that makes you an expert on all things. You disparage Joseph Smith . . . and Mormons in general as believing a lie. Have you read the Nicene Creed? Therein you will find that a group of men, at the behest of a ruler who was just about to die, worried about whether there was a God or not. Those men decided that God was a Spirit who came down as Christ and then went back to Heaven as a Spirit. Now who is crazy in their belief?"

Well, everybody's "crazy" in their belief. Which means - and this was the point of the column - nobody's crazy.

Lastly, and perhaps not surprisingly, the Scientologists took issue with what they viewed as the latest in a string of false summations of their beliefs. Never mind that I actually struck a more flattering comparison than Scientology and its couch-mounting front man could ever hope for.

"To understand Scientology you really must think for yourself, LOOK for yourself and find out for yourself what it is all about. It is not something that you can find out about by reading someone else's opinion about it. When you rely on someone else's opinion on anything you get nothing more than their OPINION on it," a local Scientology spokesman lectured in an e-mail.

"Scientology is not simply a set of beliefs that one accepts. It is comprised of knowledge about life founded upon basic principles which can be applied to one's life to improve conditions in life. It is more of a religion in the tradition of an eastern religion such as Buddhism which is a philosophy more than a set of beliefs."

Which reminds me. The Buddhists (and the Muslims) were just about the only sect not annoyed with the column.

Lucky for my psyche there was also this note from a self-described devoted, practical Mormon in Bucks County:

"I have written to you before about the raw deal Romney gets from just about everybody for espousing a faith that among other things values the sanctity of marriage and family, the importance of self-sufficiency, promotes volunteerism and civic duty and generosity in matters of charity.

"Thank you for pointing out how bigoted, myopic and frankly, just plain silly, it is to pillory Romney for his religious beliefs, most of which are misrepresented in the media."

Amen to that. *

Listen to Michael Smerconish weekdays 5-9 a.m. on the Big Talker, 1210/AM. Read him Sundays in the Inquirer. Contact him via the Web at www.mastalk.com.