Michael Smerconish: On vacation, and just wondering ...

WHY do I never drive a minivan at home if it's my first rental-car choice every August?

Every small town in America seems to have a Christian Science Reading Room on prime real estate, and yet I don't know any Christian Scientists.

I need a new approach to the appreciation speech because our kids are tired of hearing that "most kids don't get to do this."

Sometimes the National Enquirer gets it right.

I wonder if Wachovia would have called to verify my credit-card purchases if they'd been made at a store other than Under Armour, or were they profiling?

United Airlines flight attendants should know better than to seat next to our 8-year-old - or anybody's 8-year-old - the guy who brought his own air mask.

I can't see Michael Nutter kicking anyone's butt, but I like hearing him say it.

After 10 days of sleeping past 7 a.m., I will never be able to go back to a 3:15 a.m. wake-up call.

The Brett Favre saga: I haven't been this interested in the Jets since Broadway Joe was playing.

Maybe Barack Obama has maxed-out in the mid- to high-

40-percent range.

There appears to be a relationship between elevation and weight in this country: People are fatter at sea level and skinnier in the mountains.

So what if Tom Ridge is pro-choice? So are the voters John McCain needs the most.

"Philly steaks" are a joke

in the Midwest, and

ordering bagels is a risk

down South, but chicken fingers are a safe bet everywhere.

"Three Cups of Tea" is a great book about Pakistan that our presidential candidates should read.

Every local TV-network affiliate has a zany guy. And every radio market has a station they call Froggy.

If the Southwest crew knew

that the overpowering

odor was caused by a bird

flying into the engine,

why didn't it announce

it in-flight and put people's fears to rest?

Charlie Manuel is old-school class - and Brett Myers will always be the guy who roughed up his wife.

I like visiting their beaches, but do they have to come to ours - enough already with the thongs and smoking.

Our government seems more interested in bin Laden's driver than in finding the man he chauffeured.

The less we fixate on Donovan, the better he seems to perform.

Three years after Hurricane Katrina, New Orleans' Lower Ninth Ward remains a visual national disgrace.

No way those Chinese gymnasts

are old enough to drive.

Way cool that I can communi- cate by texting a friend traveling in Europe without having to pay the exorbitant hotel connection fee for a phone call.

No need to vacation overseas

- ours is a big and beautiful country. *

Listen to Michael Smerconish weekdays 5-9 a.m. on the Big Talker, 1210/AM. Read him Sundays in the Inquirer. Contact him via the Web at www.mastalk.com.