Bleep new world

I wanted to take a stand against profanity. I really did. But I surrender. And I think Andy Reid should join me. After watching his team play an important role in setting pro football back 80 years, why not try something a little different in the postgame press conference?

Forget the injury report. Just open up with, "Time's [bleeping] yours."

Come on, Andy. Follow Chase Utley's lead. Here I thought Utley was wrong for turning into Chris Rock during the World Series celebration. I must have been punchy from lack of sleep, but I thought his use of the f-word in front of a ballpark full of kids and a regional TV audience was ill-timed and unnecessary. I don't know what got into me.

But between the Eagles on Sunday, the Supreme Court mulling over the use of the Queen Mother of curse words on regular TV and the groundswell of support for Utley and his choice of adjectives, I've been forced to do a serious rethink.

Perhaps it's true, as I've heard repeatedly during the past couple of weeks, that the f-word really is the only one in the English language capable of capturing the true feelings of a long-suffering fan base. I can see that now.

I'm only sorry that some of our great orators, novelists and poets didn't recognize the value of a good cuss word. If only Whitman had an editor who told him, "You know Walt, what this needs is a little profanity. In fact, let's change the title. Call it 'Leaves of [Bleeping] Grass.' "

Let's do it. Let's abandon our stale standards of appropriate speech and conduct. It'll be so much fun. The f-word is a great place to start. In fact, I might just begin at home. Kids, go ahead and let the expletives fly. Imagine the possibilities. My 13-year-old will love it. "Mom, don't feel like doing the [bleeping] dishes - I have too much [bleeping] homework."

THIS OPENS ALL kinds of doors for all of us. How about public urination? And don't give me the hygiene argument. Dogs are out there doing it 24/7 and that doesn't seem to hurt anyone. I really hate having to go into those filthy rest area restrooms off the highway anyway. I want to go when I feel like it, and where I feel like it.

How about more gambling? We already have slot machines that are supposed to provide property- and wage-tax relief. Why can't we eliminate the middleman and those inconvenient government agencies and just have slots everywhere? Talk about instant tax relief.

I know what you're saying. You're saying that I'm really just a prude, stretching to make a point. That I need to get off my high horse.

And I say, "What the [bleep]?" *

Richard Manieri is a media consultant and freelance writer living in New Freedom, Pa. E-mail manieri2@gmail.com.