Letters: Conservatives, busy as beavers

IT'S BEEN A banner moment for conservatives.

Naturally, the earthquake in Haiti elicited some thoughts.

Rush "Mr. Compassion" Limbaugh enlightened us about the mistake we'd be making by contributing money to the victims. We couldn't be sure that any money contributed via a White House Web site would ever reach the victims. No doubt he was referring to the notorious band of villains ("Pelosi's Plunderers") who've been known to rob the penny jars from orphanages and transfer the funds to their secret campaign to resurrect FDR.

Pat Robertson, that paragon of Christian values, displayed the actual document signed by Haitians and the devil. In it, Haitians pledged to worship Satan if he would free them from the colonial French. This scenario seems problematic to me, seeing as how many conservatives not long ago saw the French and the devil complicit in all things anti-American.

Rev. Robertson didn't divulge exactly where he obtained the document, but I suspect he extracted it from the strongbox he keeps in his basement, next to his gold bullion bars (for the upcoming Armageddon), the one marked "From God's Lips to My Ears."

In an interview with Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck managed to stop drooling long enough to say that only George Washington ranked higher on the minds of conservative voters than she. One can see the logical, parental comparisons:

Father and Hockey Mom of Our Country.

We didn't hear much from Sean Hannity, which isn't to say he had nothing to contribute. He did manage to hawk his latest book, "Psychopaths, Miscreants and Liberals: Are They Dying Fast Enough?"

These are some of the voices that represent the conservative agenda. These are the minds and the thought processes that represent many of the ditto heads and tea partiers.

These are some of the alternative ideas that will "restore" America to greatness.

Think about it.

Larry E. Owens, Prospect Park