Letters: The agony of living with herpes

RE JENICE Armstrong's recent column on herpes:

As a single, 31-year-old African-American woman who's been infected since I was 16, I'm dismayed by the ignorance and the lack of resources. Until recently, I kept my condition strictly secret.

I was involved with a man for eight years and didn't tell him. I always knew I could never have any meaningful relationship with a man without telling him. After eight years, the possibility of marriage came up. I disclosed the fact that I had herpes, got all the information I could and reported it to him. We decided not to marry because we both realized that we had not shown each other our true selves.

That experience taught me a lesson. I needed to be more forthcoming about my situation. I know I don't want to have to go through that scenario again.

When I realized things weren't going to work out between this man and me, I decided I wanted support and to network with others like me. After calling dozens of numbers, do you know how many organizations I found that offer such support and networking? Zero! And I found that appalling BEFORE reading Jenice's column informing me that nearly half of black women have herpes.

There are resources on the Internet, but I don't have regular access to a computer. I called a host of places. I got disconnected numbers, the same numbers over and over, and places that don't offer help to people with herpes. I was dismayed.

I read some of the comments on philly.com. "Use condoms," one person said. But condoms aren't 100 percent reliable and depending on where the infection is, it can still be passed on. One person spoke of "medical technology." Valtrex, the medicine to treat (not cure) herpes, is $260 a month. The lack of resources - emotional, social and medical - make it easier to just not say anything.

Don't ask, don't tell. But I don't want to live like that anymore. This subject needs to be talked about. I would like to start an organization for socializing and support but don't know where to begin.

If there are more available black women than there are black men, and it's easier for a woman to catch it than a man, this means there's a handful of men bedding many woman and passing it around.

I just had to write because it really hits home.

Name Withheld, Philadelphia